Chocolate Apocalypse Now! Will You Pay More For Your Fix?

Sweet Dreams Are Made of... Expensive Cocoa?

Alright people listen up! Ripley here back from blasting xenomorphs and apparently now reporting on the *real* horrors of the universe: chocolate prices. Seems that Adalbert Lechner the big cheese at Lindt told CNBC that cocoa ain't going back to bargain basement levels. Higher costs for sustainability programs and fair trade? Well nobody said saving the planet would be cheap. Although I'd argue a facehugger infestation is cheaper. 'I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure' and the chocolate prices!

Double Edged Sword: Less Chocolate More Tears?

So apparently we got a situation worse than a chestburster on a crowded spaceship. Cocoa crops are up but people ain't buying as much chocolate. Lechner's seeing a dip in the U.S. market over 5% in volume! And get this – it's not just the price hikes. Some analyst named Oran van Dort says folks are using less cocoa in chocolate recipes and... wait for it... weight loss drugs are killing the craving! Seriously? Is nothing sacred? Next thing you know they'll be saying the Nostromo was fuel efficient!

Lindt's Holding Steady. For Now.

Despite all the chaos Lindt seems to be weathering the storm. They reported better than expected profits with sales up over 5%. Lechner's crediting it to his 'strong premium brands with a high desirability'. Well duh. Everyone knows Lindt chocolate is worth fighting for. Almost as much as breathable air on LV 426. But not quite.

Pay Up Chocoholics!

Here's the bottom line: the chocolate bosses are jacking up prices and they're passing it on to us the consumers. Van Dort says that 'Many large chocolate confectioners have indeed mentioned that they've increased prices and have been passing them on to consumers.' Lechner says that his company has been very cautious. Well thank you very much it is just what we need!

Trump's Pause: A Chocolate Savior?

Trump put a pause on tariffs and Mr. Lechner doesn't expect a significant impact from tariffs on Lindt's business. 'We employ nearly 4,000 people in the U.S. We run five factories there,' he said. 'So the impact of all these tariffs and of the trade war is relatively limited to us'. What about everyone else!?!?

Chocolate Prices to Rise Further?

Now despite having factories cocoa doesn't grow in the U.S. so there is a 10% tariff on it so this would further increase the prices of chocolate in the U.S. Van Dort told CNBC that '[The] increased migration costs of cocoa beans and production caused by the tariffs will mean 'consumption and grounding [of cocoa] will suffer if reciprocal tariffs stay in place. 'Tariffs will very much lead to higher prices.' Consumers are insecure at the moment,' he said noting that customer confidence in China has also been 'relatively weak.' 'I think that the postponement for 90 days is a very optimistic sign,' Lechner told CNBC. 'It's very positive. Obviously the U.S. government is open for negotiations and I would say I'm optimistic that we will see less of an impact as we expected one week ago.' Just like the company always come before the individual!