Holy Smokes! Drones, Missiles, and Mayhem! Jackie Chan's Take on the Middle East Mess!

Wah! What's Going On?!

Okay okay calm down everyone! Jackie Chan here reporting live from... well my living room but still! I just heard the news and my first thought was 'Did someone forget to say please and thank you?' Seems like Iran and Israel are having a bit of a disagreement involving more than 100 drones! More drones than I use in my stunts! And believe me I use a LOT of drones. Remember 'Armour of God'? Good times good times… but this situation not so good. Makes my head spin like when I try to figure out the plot of 'Rush Hour 3'!

Boom! Pow! Zap! What Did I Miss?

Apparently Israel who are like that friend who's always one step ahead (sometimes two!) launched a pre emptive strike that uh ruffled some feathers...and took out some very important Iranian generals. Whoa! That's like accidentally kicking a beehive...with a missile! IDF spokesperson Effie Defrin had quite a lot to say! Now Iran is retaliating with drones. Drones are scary! Especially when they're heading your way. Makes you wanna shout "I'm sorry I'm sorry!"...even if you don't know what you did!

Jordan Gets Involved! It's Like a Real Life Action Movie!

And Jordan? Poor Jordan just wanted a quiet Friday morning but now they're intercepting drones in their airspace! It's like when you're trying to enjoy a nice cup of tea and suddenly there's a kung fu fight in your living room! "Hey! This is my good carpet!"

Nuclear Fallout Not the Kind You See in Movies

Oh and did I mention this all happened right before nuclear deal talks? Timing people timing! It's like trying to negotiate a peace treaty while juggling flaming torches...blindfolded! Remember 'Who Am I?'? I lost my memory but I never forgot how to juggle! Maybe I should offer my services as a mediator. I can confuse everyone into agreeing with me!

The Money Monster Strikes!

Of course all this drama sent the oil prices soaring faster than I can climb a building! Up 13%! That's like paying extra for extra spicy kung pao chicken! And the stock markets are doing the cha cha slide. Investors are running for the hills faster than I run from a mob of angry henchmen! Someone needs to tell them “Don’t just do something stand there!” … No wait that’s not right. Someone needs to tell them “Have no fear!”...Or maybe just diversify their portfolio.

Uncle Sam Enters the Chat... Maybe

Now everyone's wondering if the United States will get involved. It's like waiting for the cavalry to arrive...except you're not sure if they're coming and the cavalry might accidentally set your pants on fire. Secretary of State Marco Rubio said they weren't involved but Iran doesn't buy it. I can see their point! In my movies everyone always blames me for everything even if I'm just trying to help! President Trump is having a meeting about this... hopefully they have snacks. World peace is important but so is a good dan tat!