Recession? Giggity! Chevron CEO Says Not So Fast!

No Recession? Hot!

Alright! It's your favorite horndog Glen Quagmire here to give you the lowdown on the economy. Now usually I'm more concerned with the ups and downs of shall we say 'other markets,' but this Chevron CEO guy Mike Wirth is saying we're not headed for a recession. Giggity! That's good news fellas! More money for… activities!

Tariffs? More Like 'Terri Fists'! (In a Good Way)

So apparently this President Trump guy has been slapping tariffs on stuff and that's making oil prices do the cha cha. OPEC is pumping out oil like I pump out… well you know. But Wirth isn't sweating it. He's playing it cool like I do when I 'accidentally' walk into the ladies' locker room. Giggity giggity goo!

Spending? Don't Mind If I Do!

Despite the price drops Chevron isn't tightening its belt. They're still planning on spending money which is good because who likes a cheap date? Speaking of which anyone know where I can find a good time tonight? Giggity!

Permian Basin? More Like 'Permian Booty'!

This Wirth fella says that if oil prices dip to $60 a barrel the Permian Basin which sounds like a place where hot ladies go to get… permanently based will slow down. But deep sea drilling? Full steam ahead! Just like my love life! (Okay maybe not but a guy can dream right?)

Tariffs? No Biggie Baby!

Chevron isn't too worried about the tariffs directly. It's the 'macroeconomic effects' that have them scratching their heads. Whatever that means! All I know is if the economy goes south it'll be harder to convince the ladies that I'm a 'successful businessman.' Oh the humanity!

Pro LIVE? Sounds Like My Kind Of Party!

This article ends with an ad for some fancy CNBC shindig at the New York Stock Exchange. 'Interactive Pro clinics'? 'Cocktail hour on the legendary trading floor'? Sounds like a prime opportunity to network and… *ahem*… 'trade stocks.' Giggity! Maybe I'll see you there and we can compare… portfolios. Yeah that's it. Portfolios.