Another Day, Another Disaster Averted... Kinda: Oil Prices Plunge After Ceasefire Deal

Wake Me When It's Over (Or When the Chestburster Pops)

Alright people Ripley here. Seems like we dodged another bullet – or missile in this case. Oil prices took a nosedive faster than a Nostromo crew member when facing a Xenomorph. Word is this ceasefire deal between Israel and Iran is what did it. Apparently everyone got a little too jumpy about supply disruptions in the Middle East. I swear one minute the world's ending the next everyone's back to business as usual. Makes you wonder if these people have ever seen a real threat. You know something with acid for blood.

Trump's Oil Spill of a Policy

And then there's Trump bless his heart. He's letting China keep buying oil from Iran. 'Hopefully they will be purchasing plenty from the U.S. also. It was my Great Honor to make this happen!' he yammered on social media. "In space no one can hear you scream," but you can certainly hear this guy's ego from here. Last I checked he was threatening anyone who dared to look at Iranian oil. Talk about a face heel turn. It's like watching Burke try to convince me the aliens are 'worth studying.' I'm telling you some people just can't be trusted.

Back to the Bargain Bin

So oil prices are back to pre bombing levels. Apparently investors are feeling all warm and fuzzy about the risk of a major supply disruption being 'low.' Low? LOW? I've seen 'low' risks turn into interstellar nightmares faster than you can say 'Game over man!' These Wall Street types wouldn't know a real threat if it drooled acid all over their portfolios.

Bombing for Peace... or Profit?

Remember when the US decided to join in on the fun and bomb three nuclear sites in Iran? Yeah good times. Everyone thought Tehran would go all out and block the Persian Gulf. Instead they just shot a missile at a US airbase nobody got hurt and Trump declared a ceasefire. It's like a bad sitcom. 'Alright let's blow up some stuff then have tea and crumpets!' I'm starting to think these politicians are more dangerous than a facehugger in a maternity ward.

Theatrics and Tantrums

But wait there's more! The ceasefire almost collapsed faster than Bishop after a xenomorph attack. Trump was all over the place yelling at both Iran and Israel. 'I'm not happy with Israel... I'm not happy with Iran either but I'm really unhappy if Israel' keeps bombing. It's like watching two cats fight over a laser pointer while the house burns down. Seriously can we get some adults in the room? Or at least someone with a flamethrower?

Choke Points and Prayers

And let's not forget the Strait of Hormuz the oil superhighway. Twenty percent of the world's crude goes through that thing. If Iran decided to close it well that's when things get real interesting. It's like holding a flamethrower to a can of gasoline – you know it's a bad idea but you just can't help wondering what would happen. All I'm saying is if you're gonna play with fire make sure you have a really big fire extinguisher. And maybe a pulse rifle just in case.