Bloody April Jobs Report: A Tariff-Induced Funk or a Downtrend Disaster?

By Order of the Peaky Blinders: The Economic Climate

Right listen up. This news about the April jobs report… it's got the whiff of something nasty brewing. Economists bless their cotton socks expect a measly 133,000 new jobs. Down from 228,000. Peaky Blinders know better than to trust anything at face value. This Trump and his tariffs they're stirring the pot and the pot's about to boil over. 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' Now the Yanks are selling jobs and they're not getting a good price.

A Fine Line: 150,000 Jobs and Forgiveness

This Zandi bloke from Moody's reckons if they hit around 150,000 jobs all is forgiven. Forgiven? We're not in the business of forgiveness are we? But that's their threshold for 'okay not great.' Less than 100,000? That's when the markets start to sweat and the vultures start circling. Remember 'Whisky's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who isn't.' So let's see what the jobs figures proof.

The Gathering Storm: Bad News Piling Up

GDP contracted private payrolls are weak job openings are dropping... the Yanks are drowning in bad news. Wall Street's trying to stay afloat on tariff news but a bad jobs report could pull them under. ADP which is about as reliable as a broken watch reported a paltry 62,000 new jobs. Job openings? Lowest since September 2024. It's all going to hell in a handcart I tell ya. 'We're Peaky Blinders. We're not scared of anyone.' But a smart man sees the storm coming.

College Graduates and the Wages of Discontent

Even the posh boys fresh out of college can't find work. Unemployment for graduates is up underemployment is spiking. Workers are pissed off. Wage satisfaction is at its lowest. The average acceptable salary has tumbled. Sounds like desperation to me. But desperation makes people do dangerous things and business opportunities arise. They're changing faster than the weather and soon they'll understand the value of loyalty eh?

Federal Layoffs: The Silent Killer

The federal government's shedding jobs like a dog sheds hair. Musk's lot is slashing the workforce. Officially it's 281,452 gone. But unofficially? Could be over a million when you factor in contractors. The full impact won't hit until later this year when those severance checks run dry. Then what? More chaos. More opportunities. As Polly says 'There's God and there are the Peaky Blinders.' The Yank's god has gone to sleep.

The Forecast: Slowing Not Crashing

Citi reckons they'll manage 105,000 jobs. Not great but enough to keep the unemployment rate steady or that's what they want you to believe. The real key is the wage information. They're hoping for a slight increase but even that won't stop the feeling that things are heading south. Remember: 'Lies travel faster than the truth.' And this whole report stinks of lies. 8:30 a.m. ET. Mark the time. Let's see if the truth comes out or if they're just trying to blind us with figures.