Oh Boy Oh Boy Is the Economy Going Down the Drain?!

Aw Phooey Trouble Brewing!

Well what in the name of Uncle Scrooge's money bin is going on here?! This quack economist report says the U.S. economy is slower than a three legged tortoise. They call it 'stagflation' – sounds like something you'd find in a swamp! Apparently these newfangled 'tariffs' and some kinda 'policy uncertainty' are makin' everyone nervouser than me trying to bake a cake for Daisy! And ya know what happens when Donald gets nervous!

GDP? More Like 'Gee Darn Poor'!

This 'CNBC Rapid Update' – sounds like somethin' Gyro Gearloose invented – says that the first quarter growth is a measly 0.3%. A measly zero point three percent! That's like Huey Dewey and Louie sharing one tiny crumb of bread! Apparently that's the worst it's been since everyone was hidin' from the pandemic. And inflation? Still higher than my temper when Gladstone Gander shows up!

Consumers are Clamming Up!

It seems folks are holdin' onto their money tighter than Scrooge holds onto his number one dime. This 'consumer sentiment' they're always squawking about? It's gone south faster than I run from a mountain of dishes! People ain't buyin' stuff and that's makin' the whole economy go 'ka blooey'! I'm so mad I can spit feathers!

Import Surge? More Like Import Sour ge!

Apparently everyone was buyin' stuff from overseas *before* these tariffs kicked in. So now we got a whole lotta imports which according to these experts makes the GDP look even worse! It's like Huey Dewey and Louie hidin' all the cookies and then Grandma Duck finds 'em all at once! "What's the big idea?!"

Recession? Don't Even Say That Word!

These doom and gloom economists are whisperin' about a 'recession'. That's when everything goes belly up and I have to sell my hammock to pay the bills! And with these new tariffs things could get even worse! One expert even said there's a 'good chance' GDP will decline. Well I never! Someone get me a stress ball!

The Fed's in a Pickle!

And get this! The 'Fed' – whoever THEY are – can't just wave their magic wand and fix everything! Inflation is stickier than bubblegum on my feathers so they can't just lower interest rates to get everyone spendin' again. It's a real pickle I tell ya! A real PICKLE! Guess I'll just go home and have a nice relaxing cup of tea and try not to think about the impending economic doom! Oh boy oh boy oh boy...