Deutsche Bank's HUGE Profit? They Should Thank Trump!

The Best Quarter Maybe Ever!

Let me tell you Deutsche Bank had a tremendous quarter. The best maybe ever! Net profit up 39% everyone's saying it. They're thanking me even if they won't admit it publicly. They made a whopping 1.775 billion euros! That's like a lot of money folks. A tremendous amount of money. Remember when they were losing money? Sad! Now they're winning winning winning!

Sewing it Up the CEO Gets It!

Their CEO Christian Sewing a smart guy says they're on track for their 2025 targets. He even said it's their best quarterly profit in fourteen years. Fourteen years! That's almost as long as I was President almost. He knows who to thank believe me. He's not one of those losers who pretends the success just happened. No he's a winner like me.

Investment Banking? HUGE!

The investment banking division oh it's HUGE! Up 10%! And the fixed income and currencies unit? Up 17%! That's what I call results folks. They're doing fantastic. Even with the slight dip in origination and advisory they're still crushing it. Everyone wants to be on the winning team and Deutsche Bank with my help is definitely winning.

Tariffs: Good for Deutsche Bank Bad for Losers!

Now they're blaming the "uncertainties in the geopolitical and macro economic outlook in the U.S." Well that's just code for "Trump's tariffs are making us think strategically." And you know what? They're right! My tariffs are genius! They're making everyone rethink their positions and do better deals. Even Deutsche Bank knows it deep down. They're hedging they're adjusting they're winning because of ME!

Germany's Getting Stronger Thanks to Me!

Germany's equity markets are getting stronger! People are starting to believe again they have faith. They want to make Germany great again I know they do! And Friedrich Merz he's a smart guy a real leader. They're going to boost regional investment and German equities. It's all happening because of the pressure I put on them. You have to put pressure on people to get results. It's true folks.

America First But Everyone Benefits... Eventually!

Deutsche Bank Americas CEO Stefan Simon he knows the score. He knows that the U.S. is one of their primary regions for growth. He's smart he sees the potential. And he understands that to compete Europe needs to strengthen. That's right! It's a wake up call for the whole continent and I'm the alarm clock! So Deutsche Bank's doing great they're making money and they should send me a thank you card. A big one!