Good News! Google's Alphabet Kicks Butt Like a Drunken Master!

Wah! Alphabet's Got the Moves!

Hello everyone! Jackie Chan here! Did you hear the news? Alphabet the big boss of Google and YouTube just released their first quarter results and let me tell you it's like watching one of my action scenes – full of surprises and excitement! Shares jumped like I'm leaping over a building – up 4%! They made $90.23 billion in revenue. That's more money than I have broken bones over my career! And trust me that's saying something! When I see numbers like these I know the world is safe hahaha!

YouTube Ads? Almost Perfect Like My Stunts (Almost)!

Now listen up! YouTube advertising brought in $8.93 billion. Now I'm a perfectionist. Always have been but it was slightly less than what the experts were expecting. But hey nobody's perfect not even Jackie Chan! It's like when I try a new stunt – sometimes I nail it on the first try sometimes it takes a few attempts and a couple of bruises but still I manage to give the audience something memorable. Plus their overall advertising revenue is $66.89 billion! That's up! Like me always up!

Cloudy with a Chance of… Growth!

Google Cloud revenue? $12.26 billion. Another close one! Like when I'm fighting ten guys at once – I might get hit once or twice but I always win in the end! But guess what? Cloud revenue increased 28% compared to last year! And their profits? Up! They're getting better! Like learning Kung Fu it takes time to get good! Remember 'No matter how difficult the training is you must remember the most important thing: to have fun.' So long as we are having fun we will never fail!

AI: The Future is Now (and Maybe a Little Scary)!

Now this is the crazy part! Alphabet's AI Overviews are used by 1.5 billion people every month! That’s like the entire population of China using Google's AI! AI is getting smarter every day pretty soon it's going to be choreographing my fight scenes! But seriously AI is the future and Alphabet is leading the charge. 'Sometimes it takes a spark to light a fire.' AI has the potential to light all kinds of fires!

Money Money Money! (Like I Always Say 'Don't Spend It All in One Place!')

Here comes the best part! Alphabet's net income increased 46% to $34.54 billion! Earnings per share? Up 49% to $2.81! Wow! This is where I always say 'Don't spend it all in one place!' Okay? Save some for a rainy day or maybe invest in my next movie! Haha! But seriously these are incredible numbers. Like watching a firework show very beautiful!

Other Bets: Still Betting on the Future (Even If It's a Bit of a Gamble)

Even their "Other Bets" segment with the self driving cars and life science brought in some money! Sure they lost some too but they are experimenting! This is what I always encourage people to do! Keep moving and keep learning. 'I'm not afraid of dying I'm afraid of not trying.' Alphabet continues trying new things and that's what matters. And this is good news to me Jackie Chan!