Snap's Earnings: More Like Crap! A Rightstate of Affairs!

Is This Revenue Fit for a Pig?

Right let's get one thing straight. Snap's revenue? $1.36 billion. Expected? $1.35 billion. Barely scraping by are we? It's like presenting a bloody soufflé that's only risen half an inch. You call that impressive? I call it an insult to the ingredients! Daily active users a measly 460 million against the expected 459 million. Are you taking the p*ss? It's like adding a pinch of salt and calling it seasoning. Pathetic!

No Guidance? You Donkey!

And what's this I hear? No guidance for the next quarter? Citing 'macroeconomic uncertainties'? That's just a fancy way of saying 'we haven't got a bloody clue what's going to happen!' You think throwing a bunch of jargon at the problem will make it disappear? It won't! It's like trying to hide a rancid piece of fish under a pile of parsley. The smell will still be there you muppets!

Ad Revenue: A Bit Bland Isn't It?

Ad revenue up 9%. Well isn't that special? Direct response advertising is doing okay but brand oriented advertising is DOWN 3%. That's like serving a well done steak at a Michelin star restaurant. Unforgivable! You need to get your act together Snap or you'll end up in the bloody dumpster!

Trump's Trade Plans: A Recipe for Disaster?

Oh and let's blame Trump shall we? 'Turbulent macro setup' because of his trade plans. It's always someone else's fault isn't it? Take some bloody responsibility! This is your kitchen your f*cking mess. Clean it up! Don't try to blame the dodgy fish on the fisherman. It's your job to make sure it's fresh!

De Minimis Debacle! Are you serious?

The de minimis exemption ending causing headaches? Shipments under $800 duty free no more? F*ck me! Now they are just making excuses! Alphabet's whining about it too. Pull yourselves together you bunch of crybabies! Sort it out you bloody imbeciles! Or ship out.

Net Loss? You're Fired!

A net loss of $140 million! Loss per share of 8 cents. That's just throwing money down the bloody drain! Snap's trying to blame it on restructuring charges but I'm not buying it. It's all a load of bollocks! A 54% narrowing of losses from last year is hardly anything to brag about. You call that a victory? It's more like a stay of execution. Keep this up and you'll all be looking for new jobs. Now get out of my sight!