Goldman Sachs Earnings Report A Disaster Waiting to Happen!?

Is This Donkey Still Cooking?

Right listen up you lot! Goldman Sachs is about to unveil its first quarter earnings and Wall Street is all a flutter like a bunch of bloody seagulls fighting over a chip. They're expecting earnings of $12.35 per share and revenue of $14.81 billion. Numbers numbers numbers! But are these just figures being thrown around like a badly made risotto? Let's see if they are steaming garbage shall we?

Trading Revenue: Bloody Hell or Bloody Brilliant?

Trading revenue is the name of the game. Fixed Income is predicted to be $4.56 billion and Equities at $3.65 billion. Not bad but let's see if they actually deliver. I've seen more flavor in a hospital sandwich than some trading floors I've walked into. If these figures are anything short of spectacular someone's getting a mouthful!

Investment Banking: Is It Cooked to Perfection?

Now investment banking revenue is expected to be $1.94 billion. Sounds like a decent chunk of change but let's be honest is it enough? In this cutthroat world you need to be firing on all cylinders not just puttering along like a bloody Fiat! Or are they taking shortcuts? Using canned tomatoes instead of fresh ones? We will find out!

Trump's Trade Wars: A Recipe for Disaster?

Ah Trump! The man who can't even cook a decent steak let alone run an economy without causing chaos. His trade tensions have everyone on edge including Goldman Sachs. JPMorgan Chase and Morgan Stanley are doing great. Goldman Sachs may be a beneficiary to the recent market environment. Equities trading revenue surged 48% and 45% at the banks respectively. Are they trying to ride the wave? Or are they going to wipeout?

Wealth Management: The Growth Engine or a Soggy Bottom?

CEO David Solomon calls wealth and asset management the growth engine. But is it really? Or is it just a fancy way of saying they're trying to make money off rich people while the rest of the world struggles? Time will tell if this 'engine' is firing on all cylinders or if it's just a glorified paperweight.

Shares Down 14 Percent: Wake Up!

Goldman shares are down 14% this year! Wake up you numpties! That's like serving a raw chicken to a paying customer. Something's not right here. Analysts will be grilling Solomon about his conversations with clients. Will he have the answers or will he crumble under the pressure like a badly made soufflé? We'll see won't we?