Earnings Season or Tease and Squeeze! Will Trump's Tariffs Wreck Your Wallet?!

Giggity Giggity! The Market's Gone Wild!

Alright fellas Quagmire here ready to break down this market madness! So Trump's tariffs are causing more chaos than a wet t shirt contest at The Drunken Clam. Jim Cramer's sweating bullets saying the next round of earnings reports will show how CEOs are handling this mess. Me? I'm more worried about how these tariffs are going to affect my dating budget! But hey gotta keep up with the times right? Giggity!

Levi's Lowdown: Jeans and Tariff Dreams!

First up Levi Strauss. Cramer says they're vulnerable because of these pesky tariffs on countries like Japan and Mexico. If Levi's stock takes a dive I might have to start wearing those awful dad jeans… You know the ones Peter Griffin rocks. No thanks! But hey maybe they'll surprise us. After all sometimes you gotta roll the dice baby! Giggity!

Walgreens Goes Private? More Like Walgreens Gone Wild!

Next we've got Walgreens potentially going private. Ten billion dollars huh? That's a lot of dough! Hopefully they'll use some of that cash to stock up on… uh… 'health' products if you catch my drift! Giggity! And then there's Cal Maine Foods. I'm hoping they can keep those egg prices down because a guy's gotta have his breakfast! And maybe use 'em for something else! Wink Wink!

Delta Blues and Booze News!

Delta Air Lines is up next. Even though they cut their outlook Cramer thinks they'll give us a peek into the travel industry's health. Maybe I should invest in some frequent flyer miles so I can you know 'explore' different cultures. Giggity! And don't forget Constellation Brands. More tariffs could mean less booze and that's a tragedy! A guy's gotta have his liquid courage before approaching a pretty lady right?

CarMax Craze and Inflation Haze!

CarMax is in the mix too. Tariffs on new cars could mean more used car sales but a recession would ruin the party. It's like I could get a sweet ride but then I wouldn't have any money to take out all the ladies! The Bureau of Labor Statistics is also dropping some knowledge on inflation. Cramer says Trump's tariffs will make prices go up which means less money for… you guessed it… ladies! This is getting serious!

Banks Bears and Bulls Oh My!

And finally we've got the big banks: BlackRock JPMorgan Chase Morgan Stanley and Wells Fargo. Cramer says even if they do well the tariff drama could still hurt their stocks. He's hoping Trump can turn this "bear into a bull." Well I'm hoping someone can turn my 'bear' into something else if you know what I mean! Giggity! Our only real hope is that the president comes up with something that can turn this bear into a bull. Alright that's all for now folks! Remember always stay classy and never forget to… giggity! Giggity giggity goo!