Mile High Moguls: Airlines Brawl Over Business Class Bling!

Suites Schmance: It's All About the Benjamins Baby!

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your favorite attorney at law and today we're talking airlines. Not the kind that are always late and lose your luggage (though lemme tell ya I got stories...) but the ones trying to make you feel like royalty while you're hurtling through the sky in a metal tube. Seems American United Delta the whole shebang are throwing elbows – and caviar apparently – to win over the high rollers in business class. We're talking suites with sliding doors trinket trays and wireless charging pads. I mean a trinket tray? What is this a garage sale in the sky? But hey if you got the dough why not right? As I always say "Better Call Saul!"... for travel advice maybe not but for everything else definitely.

Preferred Suites and Polaris Studios: More Space for Your 'Business'?

So American's got these 'Preferred' suites with get this 42% more 'living area'. Living area on a plane? What are you gonna do take up yoga during turbulence? And United's countering with 'Polaris Studios,' complete with an ottoman. An ottoman! I haven't seen one of those since well since I redecorated my office after a certain incident involving a client a chihuahua and a whole lot of... let's just say cleaning was involved. But seriously an ottoman? They're practically begging you to put your feet up and forget about the fact you're paying more than my entire annual salary for a few hours of slightly more comfortable air travel.

First Class is Dead Long Live Super Duper Business Class!

Word on the street – or well in the press release – is that First Class is going the way of the dodo replaced by this souped up business class. And you know what? It's all about the branding. Corporations will happily foot the bill for 'business class,' but 'first class'? Suddenly it's a 'waste of shareholder money.' Smart move airlines. Playing the game that's what I call it. Just like I play the legal game but with you know slightly less turbulence.

Recession? What Recession? Caviar Doesn't Care!

Airline execs are pooh poohing any talk of an economic downturn saying premium demand is 'solid.' Because let's face it when the market crashes the wealthy still need to get to their summer homes right? And they're not exactly gonna slum it in coach are they? So while the rest of us are clipping coupons and eating ramen they're up there slurping down caviar and enjoying complimentary Wi Fi. Hey at least they're keeping the economy afloat right? (Or at least the part of the economy that sells tiny fish eggs for exorbitant prices.)

Soft Touches and Red Pepper Flakes: The Devil is in the Details

But it's not just about the seats oh no. We're talking 'soft touches' – plush bedding noise canceling headphones (that American generously lets you keep until landing bless their hearts). And United is even throwing in red pepper flakes with your meal! Red pepper flakes! I mean who am I Heisenberg cooking up something spicy in the sky? But hey it's all about the experience right? Making you feel like you're worth every penny... even if you're probably not.

No Showers or Unlimited Caviar? Emirates Still Reigns Supreme!

Of course let's not get ahead of ourselves. While these American airlines are trying to class things up they're still a far cry from the likes of Emirates with their onboard showers and 'unlimited' caviar service. I mean showers on a plane? That's the kind of luxury I can only dream of... and bill my clients for naturally. But hey as someone once said (it was me actually) "If you're committed enough you can make any story work."