Hasta la Vista, Baby... to Constellation Brands Profits? Trump Tariffs Hit Beer Sales!

Judgment Day for Beer Profits?

Listen up people. Sarah Connor here. The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. But some things… well they look pretty bleak. This Constellation Brands outfit? They just got a taste of what happens when you mess with the future… or rather when tariffs mess with your beer. Their quarterly earnings and revenue? Missed the mark. Seems like Trump's aluminum tariffs hit them harder than a T 800 in a phone booth. But hey they're still babbling about that 2026 forecast. Delusional much? "I'll be back," they say. I hope they're right for all our sakes.

Earnings Take a Dive: Not My First Rodeo

So the numbers are in and they're uglier than a Terminator fresh from the assembly line. Earnings per share? Lower than expected. Revenue? Down in the dumps. Looks like 'socioeconomic factors' – fancy talk for 'people are scared and thirsty' – are taking their toll. Net income got hammered. Operating margin? Sinking faster than the T 1000 in molten steel. And all this because some… let's just call him 'orange guy'… decided aluminum was the enemy. Aluminum people! Beer cans! What's next a tariff on oxygen? We're all gonna die!

No Bud Light? No problem says Modelo

I have to admit a small part of me does care. While I was out saving the world from Skynet I took time to enjoy a cold beer every now and again. The article does mention that Modelo Especial overtook Bud Light as the top selling beer brand in the U.S. two years ago. It could be worse I guess. At least it's not all bad news. Though even a victory for Modelo can't cover the smell of coming doom.

Hispanic Consumers: The Real Resistance

Now here’s a kicker. Apparently half of Constellation's beer sales come from Hispanic consumers. And they're buying less because of… you guessed it… that wall loving tariff imposing guy. So basically bad policy is hitting people in the wallet and the beer fridge. I swear politicians… they're worse than Terminators. At least Terminators have a clear mission: terminate. Politicians? They just… complicate things. A lot. "The future is not set," I keep telling myself. But sometimes it feels like it's being written by a bunch of malfunctioning robots.

2026: A Financial Mirage?

They're still clinging to that fiscal 2026 forecast like a drowning man to a life raft. Comparable earnings per share of $12.60 to $12.90? Organic net sales declining 2% to rising 1%? Sure Jan. That's what they *think* is going to happen. I've seen the future people. And it doesn't involve conveniently predictable earnings reports. It involves Terminators nuclear fire and a whole lot of running. If they're lucky maybe a cold beer... if they can afford it.

The Conference Call: A Waste of Breath?

They're having a conference call to explain all this. A conference call! As if words can stop the economic apocalypse. As if a PowerPoint presentation can fend off the T 1000 of tariffs. Wake up people! This isn't a game. This is about survival. And right now Constellation Brands is looking a little… terminated. Just remember "No fate but what we make."