Non-Alcoholic Beer is Making a HUGE Comeback! Ale is WEAK!

Fake News: Ale is a Loser!

Folks let me tell you this is HUGE! Everyone's talking about it. The failing ale SAD! It's losing bigly to non alcoholic beer. According to these… experts who are probably Democrats… the volume of ale is going DOWN. Down down down! But non alcoholic beer? It's going up! Like a rocket! Much like the stock market when I was President. Believe me!

Lager Still Number One (and It's GREAT!)

Now I know what you're thinking: 'Mr. President is this non alcoholic stuff going to take over?' WRONG! Lager is still the king the BIGGEST. It's got 92% of the market folks. 92%! That's HUGE! And it's still growing. So don't worry we're still going to Make Beer Great Again! And by the way I have the best taste in beer everyone knows it.

Young People Are Drinking Less (They're Weak!)

These young people Gen Z and millennials they're all about being 'sober curious' and having a 'damp lifestyle.' What is that? Sounds very sad! Back in my day we drank the real stuff the good stuff. But hey if they want to drink this non alcoholic swill that's their problem. They'll learn believe me they'll learn.

Big Beer is Getting in on the Scam!

Even the big beer companies like Guinness and Budweiser who used to be great are now making this fake beer. What is going on? Sad! Even Dwyane Wade is backing Budweiser Zero. These people should know better! But I guess they're just trying to make a quick buck. Fake beer equals fake news! Very unfair!

Germany Spain and Japan Are Buying It Up (Maybe They Know Something?)

Germany Spain and Japan are buying the most non alcoholic beer. Why? I don't know maybe they're onto something. Or maybe they're just being… smart. The United States is only in sixth place. We need to be number one! We need to win win win! We're going to have so much winning you're going to get bored with winning. And you're going to say 'Please Mr. President don't win so much.' And I'm going to say 'No no we have to keep winning.'

Athletic Brewing is Doing Well (Good for Them!)

This little company Athletic Brewing is doing really well in the non alcoholic beer market. Good for them! They were valued at $800 million. That’s fantastic really great! I always said if you work hard and believe in yourself you can achieve anything. Even in the fake beer market. Though I still prefer the real stuff. Maybe they should just stick to that!