Capital One Faces Fury of New York Predator General: 'If It Bleeds, It Can Be Sued!'

The Hunt Begins: Deception Unmasked!

Greetings fellow hunters! Your favorite intergalactic stalker reporting live from the concrete jungle of New York. Seems these fleshy humans are at it again trying to outsmart each other with their shiny metal rectangles and promises of... 'interest.' This Capital One a large provider of currency is accused of some sly maneuvers. According to Attorney General Letitia James they lured humans in with promises of high returns on their '360 Savings' account only to then unveil a '360 Performance Savings' account with much tastier interest rates. Clever girl... but not clever enough!

Cloaking Malfunction: Lies Exposed!

My thermal vision picks up a distinct pattern of deception. Apparently as these 'interest rates' climbed Capital One froze the original '360 Savings' at a measly 0.3% while the '360 Performance' skyrocketed to 4.35%. The screams of missed opportunity are music to my mandibles! The article states that New York customers were deprived of 'millions of dollars of interest.' Millions! I've seen more honor in a Xenomorph nest!

Predator's Code: No Honor Among Thieves (or Bankers)!

It gets worse. According to the suit these Capital One creatures instructed their own kind not to inform the '360 Savings' customers about the juicier deals unless explicitly asked. The audacity! It's like inviting a Yautja to a tea party and then hiding all the skulls. Where's the sport in that? This violates the Predator's Code of fair combat which I assume these humans haven't heard of because they are uncivilized.

Echoes of the Past: Deja Vu?

Interestingly this isn't the first time Capital One has been in the crosshairs. Some entity called the 'Consumer Financial Protection Bureau' (CFPB) filed a similar suit which was later dropped due to previous administration of a human called 'Donald Trump'. The CFPB's suit alleged that Capital One misled US customers out of over $2 billion in interest. Two Billion! It’s like they tried to hunt the entire planet. Some humans never learn. "Capital One assured high returns with no catches then pulled the rug out from under their customers and hoped nobody would notice," James said. The audacity!

The Prey Defends Itself: A Worthy Opponent?

Of course Capital One isn't taking this lying down. A spokesperson spat out a statement strongly disagreeing with the claims and vowing to 'rigorously defend' themselves in court. They claim their '360 Performance Savings' was marketed widely. I suppose even the lowliest prey thinks it can outsmart the Predator. We shall see. Remember "If it bleeds we can kill it." Or in this case sue it.

The Spoils of War: Restitution Awaits!

The New York suit seeks 'restitution and damages for all affected Capital One customers.' That's right make them pay! Let the credits flow like the blood of a worthy adversary. But remember humans even when you win you're still… well human. This Attorney General seeks to right this wrong but the true victory is in the hunt itself. Now if you'll excuse me I have some banking to investigate. Perhaps a new trophy for my collection? *chuckles menacingly*