FanDuel's March Madness Meltdown: Is This Donkey Cooked?

A Quarter Gone Wrong: What the Hell Happened?

Right listen up you lot! Peter Jackson the big cheese at Flutter which owns FanDuel is blaming the bloody NCAA tournament for a disastrous first quarter. Apparently the punters actually *won* for once! Can you believe it? It's like finding a decent plate of food at a roadside diner – bloody shocking! They missed their earnings targets they missed their revenue targets... it's like watching a souffle collapse on live television. Absolutely pathetic!

Earnings? More Like Ear L INGS!

This isn't amateur hour people! $1.59 earnings per share? That's weaker than my grandmother's Earl Grey! Wall Street expected $1.89. That's a bloody chasm! Are they running a charity not a business? And don't even get me started on the revenue. $3.67 billion against an expected $3.84 billion? What is this a cooking competition where everyone forgets the seasoning? It's bland it's boring and it's utterly unacceptable!

Guidance? More Like Mis Guidance!

So what's the solution? Lower the US guidance! Fantastic! It's like admitting you can't even manage a simple risotto. But hold on they're raising the outlook for global performance? Because of currency and acquisitions? So basically they're shifting the blame and hoping no one notices. Clever but not clever enough to fool this chef!

Will Gamblers Gamble On?

Jackson reckons punters will keep spending despite the economic doom and gloom. Really? Is that the best you've got? 'People will keep gambling because...reasons'? It's about as convincing as a vegan butcher. I need facts figures a bloody strategy! Not just wishful thinking.

Wake Up and Smell the Failure

This whole thing smells like a dish left out in the sun for too long. A bit off! I want to see some serious changes. Fire up the bloody stoves sharpen your knives and get this kitchen back in order! No excuses. Less talk more action! Or you'll all be hearing from me!

Is FanDuel Heading for Hell's Kitchen?

FanDuel needs to pull its socks up and get its act together. The competition is fierce and the margins for error are razor thin. One more quarter like this and they'll be serving humble pie to their shareholders. They need to step up or they'll be hearing those dreaded words: 'It's Raw!'