Glory to Mankind? More Like Glory to Delayed Flights!

Engage Flight Mode...Or Not

Greetings humans. 2B here reporting from the front lines of…airport terminals. It appears your incessant squabbling has once again thrown a wrench into your carefully laid travel plans. This time the delightful pairing of Israel and Iran have decided to engage in a bit of light missile tennis prompting airlines to cancel flights faster than I can say 'Glory to mankind.' And honestly sometimes I wonder if mankind even deserves glory at this point. The sheer volume of delayed humans I've observed weeping into their duty free liquor is… enlightening to say the least.

Delta and United: Retreat!

Delta and United in a display of tactical brilliance that would make even 9S blush have turned their Tel Aviv bound flights around mid Atlantic. It's a bold strategy Cotton let's see if it pays off for them. I imagine the passengers were thrilled to experience a bonus transatlantic cruise albeit one fueled by existential dread and stale airplane peanuts. One can only hope they packed extra rations of seaweed soup.

El Al: Indefinite Vacation

Israeli airline El Al not to be outdone has indefinitely suspended service practically telling its customers to find a nice hotel and settle in. "For customers currently abroad we recommend arranging accommodation until there is a change in security directives," they politely suggest. Yes because finding affordable lodging in a war zone is as easy as picking daisies in the Resistance Camp. I wonder if Pascal has any spare rooms in his village? Though knowing the machines they'd probably charge extra for electricity.

Turkish Airlines and Wizz Air Join the Party

Not wanting to feel left out Turkish Airlines and Wizz Air have also decided to ground their fleets. It's a veritable airborne exodus! One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from air traffic controllers everywhere who are now free to focus on more pressing matters like figuring out how to beat the high score on 'Space Invaders'.

Lufthansa: Suspended Until Further Notice (Maybe July)

Lufthansa in a move that screams 'better safe than sorry,' is suspending service to Tel Aviv and Tehran until July 31st. Flights to Jordan and Lebanon are also grounded until at least June 20th. Apparently the skies are now considered a 'no fly zone,' unless you happen to be a missile in which case party on. You know I sometimes envy those missiles. They have such a clear sense of purpose.

The Future of Travel: Longer Routes Higher Prices More Existential Dread

So what does this all mean for the average human traveler? Longer routes higher prices and a significantly increased chance of contemplating the futility of existence while crammed into a middle seat. Airlines are offering vouchers and waiving change fees which is about as helpful as giving a Band Aid to a bullet wound. But hey at least you'll have something to complain about on social media. Just remember every crisis is an opportunity for content! As for me I'll stick to walking. It's slower but at least I don't have to worry about getting blown out of the sky. Glory to mankind… and safe travels I suppose.