Is Slate Auto Raw or Rotten? Gordon Ramsay's Take on Bezos-Backed EV Startup

A 'Blank Slate' or a Blunder?

Right let's have a look at this shall we? Slate Auto eh? Another EV startup backed by Bezos's billions popping up in Detroit like a dodgy kebab van. They're building electric two door pickup trucks that morph into SUVs. Two seats? Crank windows? No infotainment system? Sounds like my first car and that was older than this bloody industry! "Radically simple radically affordable radically personalizable," they say. More like 'radically basic,' if you ask me. But let's see if they can pull this off without making me scream 'IT'S RAW!'

Essentials Only My Arse!

Eric Keipper head of engineering claims they're taking a 'back to basics' approach. Back to basics? This is bordering on the Flintstones! They're boasting about a modular stripped down vehicle. Well that's one way to cut costs. But if it looks and feels like a tin can on wheels nobody's going to give a toss are they? It's all about delivering a vehicle that people will love and be proud to own. If they get the design wrong its game over before its even started. Its gonna go straight in the bin!

100,000 Reservations?! Are You Having a Laugh?

They've got over 100,000 reservations with a $50 deposit. Blimey even I could get reservations with that kind of offer! But let's be honest reservations are like promises from a politician – often broken and full of hot air. Remember DeLorean? Promises are cheap but delivering a quality product is harder than finding a decent chef in bloody Wolverhampton.

Hundreds of Millions? Pocket Change!

They've raised $700 million already and are after more. They say they're going to invest hundreds of millions into the Indiana plant. Well that's a start. But in the EV game that's like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a garden hose. Rivian and Lucid have been bleeding money faster than a butcher on a bad day. Slate better have a bloody good business plan or they'll be toast.

Customization: A Recipe for Disaster?

160 options for customization! Decals lighting wheels wraps – it's like a bloody build your own burger bar but with more potential for a flavorless mess. More choices mean more complexity and complexity is the enemy of efficiency. They are just adding more complexity to the process by offering this many options. Someone needs to get a grip or they are in over their heads.

The Million Dollar Question: Will Anyone Actually Buy It?

The question is will people actually buy this? It's modular clever and all that bollocks but the market for two door vehicles is smaller than a gnat's chuff. And they're relying on federal tax credits which are about as reliable as a politician's promise. They need to get a grip expand their product line and deliver quality or they'll end up as another footnote in the EV graveyard. This is their last chance and if they screw this up I will personally visit their factory and teach them how to cook a decent meal AND build a decent car! Now GET OUT!