Aw, Phooey! Car Industry's Gone Cuckoo! EV Plans? More Like Ee-Vaporating!

Unprecedented EV Head Fake?! Oh Boy Oh Boy!

Well what in the name of Huey Dewey and Louie is going on?! This here auto industry is in a pickle! A real donnybrook! According to some fella named John Murphy at Bank of America – sounds like a real smarty pants – this whole electric vehicle shebang has gone belly up faster than a duck in a hailstorm! "The unprecedented EV head fake has wreaked havoc on product plans," he squawks. Havoc I tell ya! And these automakers they're flappin' around like… well like ME when I'm late for Daisy's picnic! This 'Car Wars' report whatever that is says things are gonna be topsy turvy for the next four years! Aw phooey!

Replacement Rates? More Like Replacement RAZOR bill Auks!

So this report talks about 'replacement rates.' Sounds boring right? But apparently it's important! Seems like if you make new cars that people actually WANT your profits go up! Who knew? Tesla's leading the pack followed by Honda Hyundai/Kia and Ford. And then there's Nissan Toyota and those fancy pants European automakers… lagging behind like ol' Uncle Scrooge on a marathon! Even GM and Stellantis are just barely makin' the grade! It's enough to make a duck pull out his feathers!

EV Write Downs? More Like Write OFFS Quack Quack!

Ford already took a hit of almost two BILLION dollars on a canceled electric SUV! Can you believe it? Two BILLION! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of orange juice… and still have enough left over for a new car (a GAS powered one I presume)! And Murphy thinks this is just the tip of the iceberg! More multibillion dollar write downs comin' down the pike! It's gonna be messy folks! Messier than my nephews' bedroom after a pillow fight!

Back to the Basics Baby! (And My Old Jalopy!)

So what are these automakers doin' about this EV fiasco? They're runnin' back to what they know best: Good ol' internal combustion engines! Gas guzzlers! Vroom vroom! Plus they're dabbling in hybrids and plug in hybrids. Basically they're covering their feathers err bases. Mr. Murphy says cash is KING! Gotta keep those coffers full! Hence the ICE age cometh as the EV plans freeze. That’s what the study says. Brilliant!

China's Imploding?! Aw Phooey Times Two!

Hold on to your hats folks! The Chinese auto market is having a meltdown! Price wars stalling sales and exports goin' through the roof! Murphy says it's like the whole market is about to…IMPLODE! And that means more consolidation. That’s like when Pete that no good egg invites all of his relatives for a weekend at my house. No Thank You!

Software Salvation? Maybe! (Or Maybe Just More Gadgets!)

But there's a glimmer of hope! Maybe… just maybe… software can save the day! Automakers are lookin' at ways to make money off of vehicle connectivity. Think fancy apps subscriptions and all that jazz. They want to get you into the dealerships for service instead of those non franchised repair shops. It could be a goldmine! Or it could be another…aw phooey! Only time will tell! But I'm not holding my breath. Now where's my car? I’m late for Daisy’s!