In Space, No One Can Hear You Buy Gold: Bullion Beats Bonds as Investors Flee Fiscal Frights

Another Day Another Apocalypse... I Mean Economic Downturn

Alright people. Ripley here. Seems like things on Earth are getting about as cozy as a facehugger's hug. I'm reading reports out of Singapore that gold is making a comeback as the go to safe haven. Thirty percent rise this year? Seriously? It's outperforming everything else: yen francs even those supposedly 'safe' US Treasurys. Makes you wonder what's lurking in the dark corners of the fiscal system doesn't it? "This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it." just like that colony we went to and look what happened there.

Gold: It's Not a Liability It's an Asset... Unlike Some People I Know

Some fancy pants analyst named Nikos Kavalis says gold is good because it's "no one else's liability." Well I'll be. Finally something that doesn't try to eat your face or sell you out to a Weyland Yutani corporation. Apparently when you buy those bonds or currencies you're betting on entire *economies*. That's like betting on Burke to have your back. Foolish. "I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." about these economies I mean.

Dollar Down Yen Up... But Gold's Still the Queen (Xenomorph?)

So the dollar's taking a nosedive the yen and franc are bobbing along okay and even those 10 year US bonds are looking a bit soggy. But gold? It's been notching fresh highs like I used to notch alien kills. Trading at $3,403.09? After peaking above $3,500? "They can bill me." for all the gold I'm about to buy. The World Gold Council dude Shaokai Fan says it's because people are losing faith in the dollar and those Treasurys. Smart folks. About time.

Trump Tariffs and Moody's Mayhem: When Safe Havens Go South

Apparently some guy named Trump rolled out some tariffs Moody's downgraded the US credit rating and now everyone's running scared. Even those 30 year US yields are breaking above 5%. Remember when the markets are scared gold shines like a beacon in the inky void. Just like the *Nostromo* always a source of light even with a Xenomorph in the vent system.

Debt to GDP Ratios: Higher Than My Tolerance for Corporate Bullshit

Another expert Nicholas Frappell says gold isn't affected by high debt to GDP ratios. Good. Because frankly I've had enough of governments and corporations making promises they can't keep. "I can't lie to you about your chances but... you have my sympathies." if you're still holding onto those bonds and dollars. Meanwhile Japan's got its own problems with weak yen and funky interest rates.

Apolitical Liquid and Shiny: Just How I Like My Investments (and My Shotguns)

The real kicker? Gold is "apolitical" and "liquid," according to Fan. That's right. No government strings no counterparty risks. Just good old fashioned intrinsic value. Even central banks are loading up on the stuff. Gold now makes up 20% of global reserves! Makes you think doesn't it? So next time you're feeling a little paranoid about the future remember Ripley's Rule #1: When in doubt buy gold. And maybe a flamethrower just in case.