Eat My Shorts Tesla! BYD Just Drove Circles Around You!

Cowabunga Dude! BYD's Got the Dough!

Ay caramba! So like I was reading the news the other day (yeah yeah I know even *I* do it sometimes) and it turns out some Chinese company called BYD totally smoked Tesla in the money race! Apparently they raked in 777 billion yuan – that’s like a gazillion Krusty Burgers worth! I can't even imagine how many Squishees I could buy with that! Looks like someone's been a busy beaver and it ain't Milhouse.

Hybrid Hysteria: Not Just For Old Folks Anymore!

Turns out BYD's secret weapon is… hybrid cars? I always thought those were for Principal Skinner types tryin' to save a buck. But hey what do I know? Maybe all those tree huggers are onto somethin'. Anyway they got a 29% boost which is way more than I ever get on my report cards. Unless you count that time Mrs. Krabappel gave me extra credit for… uh… 'artistic interpretation' of history.

Wang Chuanfu's Got More Confidence Than Nelson's Laugh

Some dude named Wang Chuanfu the head honcho at BYD is bragging about how they're “reshaping the global market” and stuff. Sounds like a homework assignment from Principal Skinner if you ask me. He even said they rolled out 10 million new energy vehicles! Ten million! That's enough to give Apu a serious headache at the gas station. But all I can say is good for him man I’d be bragging about that if I were him.

Super Charged Batteries? Sounds Like Something From Comic Book Guy!

Hold on to your hats people! BYD claims they have some new battery tech that can charge faster than you can say “Eat my shorts!” They're sayin' you can get like 249 miles of juice with just five minutes of charging! Five minutes! That's barely enough time to pull a prank on Moe! If this is true it is truly “Out of this world.” Comic Book Guy’s gonna explode and that sounds like a fun time.

Tesla's Tumble: Did Someone Say 'D'oh'?

Meanwhile over at Tesla land things are lookin' worse than Homer after a Duff binge. Their stock is tanking faster than I bail on chores probably because the big boss guy Elon is busy tweetin' crazy stuff and making people mad. I guess even rich dudes can have bad days. It just so happens that BYD is in the way tough luck huh Elon?

The Future is Now! (Probably Still Gonna Be Kinda Lame Though)

So what does all this mean? I dunno probably means more electric cars more boring lectures from Lisa and maybe even a robot butler that'll do my homework. One can only dream. But hey at least it's somethin' to talk about besides Milhouse's latest wedgie. Later dudes! Bart out!