A Kingdom's... I Mean a Nation's Woes
Greetings citizens of Hyrule! ...Er I mean America. Princess Zelda here reporting on a rather unsettling development. It seems our world – much like Hyrule when Ganon's on the loose – is facing a bit of a crisis. Only instead of monsters and darkness we're battling…tariffs? Apparently this 'Trump administration,' as they're called is sticking to their guns (or should I say swords?) when it comes to these reciprocal tariffs. And let me tell you the global stock market is about as happy about it as a Cucco cornered by a hungry Link.
The Trumpet Sounds... Of Tariffs
According to one 'Howard Lutnick,' some sort of Commerce Secretary (sounds important!) these tariffs are definitely absolutely positively coming. No take backs! He told CBS's "Face the Nation" (which I assume is like our Hyrulean Royal Family newsletter but with more talking heads) that the President isn't kidding. 'The tariffs are coming. Of course they are,' Lutnick said with the conviction of a fortune teller reading a particularly ominous palm. Seems like he's channeled his inner Sheikah Slate with that kind of foresight.
Resetting the World... Or Just Irritating It?
Lutnick boldly declared that the President needs to 'reset global trade.' He seems to think that everyone else is hoarding rupees while we're stuck with empty wallets. 'Everybody has a trade surplus and we have a trade deficit,' he exclaimed sounding rather like a Moblin complaining about a shortage of Bokoblin clubs. I must admit it's a bit confusing even for someone who's spent a century sleeping in a crystal.
Rupee Rain... Or Just a Drizzle of Doubt?
So what's the damage? Well in the two trading sessions following this tariff announcement global stocks apparently lost a whopping $7.46 billion! That's enough rupees to buy a lifetime supply of elixirs and still have enough left over to bribe a Goron. According to some index called 'S & P Global Broad Market Index' (honestly who comes up with these names?) things aren't looking so rosy. Perhaps we need to find a giant golden bug to reverse this financial curse!
Holding the Course... Or Plunging into the Depths?
Adding to the chorus of…well let's call it “optimism,” Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (another official sounding name!) told NBC's "Meet the Press" that the Trump administration is 'going to hold the course' on these tariffs. It seems they're determined to steer the ship even if it means sailing straight into a Lynel infested swamp. Frankly I think they should consult a fairy or two before making such drastic decisions.
A Princess's Plea
As Princess of Hyrule… I mean a concerned observer of current events I urge everyone to remain calm. Whether these tariffs are a stroke of genius or a disastrous mistake only time will tell. In the meantime perhaps we should all practice our sword skills and stock up on fairies just in case things get…interesting. And remember even in the darkest of times there's always hope...and maybe a hidden chest with a heart container!
Trump Tariffs Trade War Global Stock Market Economics Lutnick Bessent Trade Deficit S&P Trade Surplus
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beautifulmess1995
Maybe we can just use the Ocarina of Time to go back and prevent this.
anglcudd8
This is worse than when Ganon stole the Triforce of Power!
reading123
Someone check the weather forecast...is it raining rupees?
AAphay
We need a hero to save the global economy!
letsparty
Sounds like someone needs to find the Master Sword of Economic Policy.
cm31
This is as bad as when my horse, Epona, gets lost!
james922
I blame the Imps.
herrera86
I knew I should have invested in rupees instead of stocks!
dangquangtvu16
Link, do something!
Briauna
Is this what happens when you don't collect all the Skulltulas?