Why So Serious About Taxes? Intuit's Laughing All the Way to the Bank!

A Little Anarchy in the Fiscal Quarter!

Hello my little tax paying fiends! Did you hear? Intuit the company that makes even the simplest minds believe they can tackle taxes is having a grand old time. Their stock? Up 8%! I swear some people just want to watch the world file returns... and make a fortune doing it. Revenue's up profits are soaring and their CEO Sasan Goodarzi is practically giddy boasting about the fastest growth in a decade. I bet even Batman couldn't have predicted this level of… chaos. After all it's not about the money it's about sending a message a message that even boring stuff like accounting can be utterly utterly… profitable!

AI Agents? Sounds Like My Kind of Mayhem!

Goodarzi is babbling about AI agents. Oh how I love the sound of that! Imagine little digital Jokers running around 'helping' people with their taxes. It’s beautiful isn't it? As he says it's a 'one stop shop of AI agents.' One stop to what? Madness? I certainly hope so! They're aiming to 'fuel the success' of small businesses. Or maybe just fuel my entertainment. Who knows? Maybe I should invest. After all I'm an agent of chaos! "Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!"

Goldman Sachs Gets the Last Laugh (For Now)

Goldman Sachs those purveyors of fine legal larceny have reiterated their 'buy' rating and upped their price target to $860. That's a lot of knives to juggle! They're saying Intuit's 'execution' is 'reinforcing confidence'. Confidence in what? The inevitable downfall of civilization? Probably. And Goldman believes the AI roadmap will be good. I think it will be AMAZING! "All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!"

Deutsche Bank: Reassured... Or Delusional?

Deutsche Bank those beacons of financial instability are feeling 'reassured' after a 'rocky two years.' Reassured? After everything? Maybe they’ve finally cracked. They are increasing their price target from $750 to $815! But they are feeling 'confident about its ability to grow the consumer business.' I love it when analysts feel things! What's next? Are they going to see dead people?

Platform Approaches and Accelerated Innovation Blah Blah Blah!

The Deutsche Bank monkeys continue to blather on about a 'platform approach' and 'accelerated innovation.' They claim it will enable 'sustained mid teens or better EPS growth.' EPS? Seriously? Talk about ruining the magic with technical jargon. But I can work with this. After all I am a highly functional psychopath. I am like a dog chasing cars I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one I'd just do... things.

Fastest Organic Growth? Time to Party!

The CEO Goodarzi is doing his victory lap and declared: fastest organic growth in over a decade. Ten years. I bet Gotham didn't even survive ten weeks with me around. Anyway all this talk about growth is giving me a migraine. So who wants to play a game? I've got a magic trick to show you involving a pencil and... oh never mind. Just remember: why so serious? It's only money… and the inevitable collapse of society as we know it!