Why So Serious About Crypto? Coinbase and Amex Team Up, and I'm Having a Field Day!

A Little Experiment in Anarchy Eh?

Well well well what do we have here? Coinbase and American Express playing nice in the sandbox. They're launching a credit card together! A credit card that gives you Bitcoin rewards! It's all part of their little game their 'Coinbase One' subscription. $29.99 a month can you believe it? For zero trading fees and 'increased staking rewards'. Sounds like a real bargain... for suckers! And now a 'Basic' plan for just $4.99! Oh the humanity! I love it when a plan comes together... or falls spectacularly apart. CHAOS is a ladder you know.

Introduce a Little Anarchy. Upset the Established Order.

Stredwick from American Express oh he's got it all figured out doesn't he? 'Excellent mix of what customers are looking for.' What customers REALLY want is a little bit of mayhem a dash of unpredictability! But no they get Bitcoin rewards. How boring! Subscription revenue is the key apparently. That's what some William Blair analyst thinks. Trading revenue is so last quarter! People are paying for the service so that's great news for the companies that provide those services.

Do I Look Like a Guy with a Plan?

Coinbase One has over a million members! A million! That's a lot of potential for... pranks. And now they're launching this card while everyone is expecting new regulations. How predictable. I was ahead of the curve as usual I knew people would want to blow up something and cause trouble. Time to release the dogs. I mean... uh... the new service.

This Town Deserves a Better Class of Criminal And I'm Gonna Give It to Them!

Remember Coinbase's Visa prepaid debit card? Gone! Like a bad joke. American Express tried with Abra failed miserably. But these companies don't stop trying do they? They never learn. And those Winklevoss twins over at Gemini? They're in on it too apparently filing to go public! Oh the vanity! Venmo's letting people earn crypto the new fashion is all about automated services.

It's Simple. We Kill the Batman!

So what's my role in all this? Well I'm thinking... a little market manipulation? A few well placed rumors? Maybe I'll just buy a bunch of Bitcoin and watch the world burn! Or maybe... I'll just wait and see if this whole thing explodes on its own. It usually does doesn't it? But they can just get better products so there is nothing to fear about it.

Why Don't We Cut You Up Into Little Pieces and Feed You to Your Pooches?

Oh and here's the kicker: The Trump administration's 'pro crypto policies'! Makes me want to puke! All you need is someone to light the fuse! And I'm just the guy to do it. So keep your eyes peeled folks. The Joker's in town and this little crypto party is about to get a whole lot more... interesting. Tick tock tick tock... what a wonderful plan!