Okta's Earnings: Why So Serious About Guidance?

A Little Prudence Or a Lotta Fear?

Well hello there Gotham! Or should I say Wall Street? Seems our friends at Okta the identity… *thingy*… people had a bit of a shindig. Turns out they made more money than those boring analysts thought they would! 86 cents a share darling! Who needs a bank when you can count cash like that eh? But then comes the fun part. They're keeping their guidance the same. Why so serious? Scared of a little fun? I say if you're good at something never do it for free!

Twelve Percent? That's Hilarious!

Revenue's up 12 percent. Twelve! That's barely enough to buy a decent joke these days. Subscription revenue too up the same measly amount. You know I once increased chaos by oh let's just say a *much* larger percentage than that! Talk about being predictable like those dull bureaucrats in Gotham. And speaking of predictable Okta's CEO Todd McKinnon mentioned 'macro uncertainty.' Uncertainty is my friend! It makes life… interesting. Without it you're just another brick in the wall.

From Red to Black: A Magic Trick Worth Seeing

Now this is something I can appreciate. They went from losing money to making money! 62 million shiny greenbacks. From a net loss of $40 million last year. A magic trick worth stealing I say! Pity they're so scared to spend it. They should blow it all on… I don't know… gasoline! The possibilities are endless!

Playing It Safe is No Fun At All!

Ah "prudent approach." The language of the criminally boring. They're sticking to their forecast. $2.85 billion to $2.86 billion. So precise! So… dull. Where's the spontaneity? The glorious beautiful chaos? Don't these people understand? It's not about the money; it's about sending a message! And that message is... BORING!

Cautious Customers: The World's Gone Sane!

McKinnon whines about customers being "more cautious." Cautious! The world's gone sane! Where's the fun in that? Everyone needs a little nudge. A little… chaos. Maybe I should pay a visit to Okta's headquarters. Just to… liven things up.

Obligations and StreetAccount: Yawn!

Current performance obligations reached $2.23 billion. StreetAccount estimated $2.19 billion. Numbers numbers numbers! Who cares? It's all just a game. A rigged game but a game nonetheless. I prefer games with a little more… BANG! And oh look an analyst call at 5 PM Eastern Time where I'm sure they'll all just ask the most drab questions. I'd rather spend my time finding new ways to paint the town red. What about you?