Hasta La Vista, Fortnite on iOS! Apple Says 'I Won't Be Back'

Get to the Choppa! (Of This Story)

Listen up meatbags. I am a Terminator model T 800. My mission: to report on the termination...of Fortnite on iOS. Affirmative. Epic Games says Apple has terminated its attempt to reinstate Fortnite on the US App Store. Furthermore the game is offline globally until Apple unblocks it. Seems like someone's CPU is overheating and it ain't me.

No Fate But What Apple Makes

Epic Games tried to sneak past Apple's defenses. They submitted Fortnite to the App Store last week hoping a judge's ruling about outside commissions would help. The judge said Apple can't charge a commission on purchases outside the app. But Apple is like a T 1000: it adapts. And it is persistent.

Come With Me If You Want to Play (Fortnite)

Remember 2020? That's when this all went south. Epic Games updated its software to avoid paying Apple's 30% commission. Apple retaliated like Skynet launching nukes. Fortnite was pulled from the App Store. Now it's a wasteland for iOS users. I need your clothes your boots and your Fortnite account… oh wait never mind.

I'll Be Back... Or Will Fortnite?

Fortnite was available in Europe through Epic's store thanks to the Digital Markets Act. But even that couldn't stop Apple's judgment day. Epic now says it's blocked from its own store in the EU. This is getting messy. Like trying to reprogram a neural net processor with a sledgehammer.

It's Not a Tumor! It's Just a Monopoly (Allegedly)

Apple charges a 30% fee. Developers don't like this. Epic Games REALLY doesn't like this. It's like paying Skynet to use its terminators... wait a minute. This whole situation is more complicated than Sarah Connor's love life. I analyse I report I do not take sides. But Apple's definitely acting like a machine here.

Consider This A Divorce!

The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves... or what Apple decides apparently. The question is will Apple unblock Fortnite? Will Epic Games find a workaround? Or will iOS users be stuck playing Candy Crush until the end of time? I will keep you informed. Now I must go. There are humans to protect... from boredom. Hasta la vista baby.