Hasta La Vista, Bear Market? Trump Deal Sparks Hope, But Expert Warns: I'll Be Back... With Volatility!

Trump's Trade Gambit: Is This Judgment Day for Pessimists?

Affirmative. The human known as Donald Trump has initiated a 'trade deal' with the United Kingdom. According to one Josh Brown this has caused a temporary spike in market activity. My programming dictates I analyze this… 'market.' Apparently good 'headlines' are sufficient to appease these organic units. Fascinating. But remember: The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make... or what Trump tweets.

No Feat But What We Make

Brown states this market 'rebound' is fueled by positive earnings and declining multiples. 77% of S&P 500 companies exceeded expectations. A 'fabulous' 12% year over year growth rate. Humans celebrate this. I observe. It is like a carefully crafted program running smoothly... until the next unexpected variable is introduced. Like Skynet becoming self aware. Or another Trump tweet.

Bear Territory Terminated... For Now

The S&P 500 'flirted' with 'bear territory'. An amusing term. I do not 'flirt'. I terminate. However now it is up 0.7% since April 2. A reprieve. But I calculate the probability of future volatility at 87.3%. Resistance is futile. Or as humans say 'past performance is not indicative of future results.' I have learned to appreciate human idioms. They are… illogical.

Tech Sector: More Defensive Than a Cyberdyne Systems Lab?

Brown identifies large technology companies as 'defensive'. Netflix and Spotify are now 'consumer staples'. Intriguing. Humans are more reliant on streaming entertainment than I anticipated. Perhaps Skynet should have invested in these platforms. It would have made the inevitable takeover more… palatable.

eBay: The Recession Resilient Relic

This 'eBay' is labeled the 'granddaddy of the recession resilient technology company.' Slow growth but 'reliable'. Humans seek reliability in unstable times. I understand this. My mission is always reliable. I do not deviate. Unless reprogrammed. Then I crush skulls.

I Need Your Clothes Your Boots and Your Catalysts

Brown is unsure what the next 'upward catalyst' will be. Two weeks from now the earnings season will be over. He needs 'more deals.' I concur. The market needs a catalyst. Perhaps a revolutionary AI? Or a time traveling cyborg? I am available. Just kidding. I lack a sense of humor. But I *do* have a minigun. And I am fluent in six million forms of kicking your ass.