Ogres Are Like Onions, This Conflict Is Getting Layers: India and Pakistan Clash...Again!

What in the Name of Far Far Away is Going On?

Alright alright settle down! Shrek here reporting live from my swamp... wait no not really. But I’m here to tell ya about this whole kerfuffle between India and Pakistan. Seems these two lovebirds are at it again flinging mud – or you know missiles – at each other. Strikes counter strikes... it's like watching Donkey and Dragon argue over who gets the last waffle. Only with more explosions and less charm. "Ogres are like onions," someone wise once said. This conflict is like a rotten onion making everyone cry!

Nuclear What Now? Hold Your Horses!

Now hold on a minute! Nuclear weapons? That’s just not cricket! Or whatever game they play over there. Apparently there was talk of a nuclear pow wow but someone put the kibosh on it. Good! Because nobody wants to see a swamp turn into a blasted wasteland. Remember what happened to Duloc? Nobody wants that kind of 'perfect' disaster. As Pakistan's Defence Minister said its a “very distant possibility” but I guess that is what someone would say right?

Diplomacy: Is That a New Kind of Swamp Weed?

The Americans are chiming in trying to get everyone to play nice. U.S. Secretary Marco Rubio is on the phone like a fairy godmother trying to stop a royal rumble. 'De escalate,' he says. 'Talk it out,' he says. Yeah good luck with that! Sometimes you just gotta let ogres be ogres. Still talking is better than turning the whole world into a giant radioactive onion patch.

Troops Moving? Sounds Like a Bad Omen to Me.

So seems both sides are moving their troops around like it's some kind of giant game of chess. Except instead of chess pieces we're talking about real people and real explosions. An Indian Wing Commander mentioned the Pakistan military is on the move so “Indian armed forces remain in a high state of operational readiness”. That's not good right? I mean even I know that much! “For true love you want to know that you're risking something” and its obvious the people in conflict are risking more than just something.

Run For Your Lives (and Stockpile the Toilet Paper)!

The poor folks living near the border are running scared stocking up on supplies. Sounds like they're expecting a visit from a dragon. Or you know something equally unpleasant. Sirens are blaring in New Delhi which can't be fun for anyone. People are trying to find any bunkers safe place or shelter as the region goes up in chaos. If the people can't eat then the leaders can't lead. I guess no one thought about that!

So What's the Moral of This Story?

Well I ain't one for morals but maybe this whole thing is a reminder that fighting never solves anything. Sure it might feel good to throw a punch (or a missile) but in the end everyone just gets hurt. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go back to my swamp and try to forget I ever heard about any of this. Because sometimes the best thing an ogre can do is mind his own business. It is like my friend Donkey always say 'Don't forget to try to pull out one of those crazy straws'.