Good News Everyone! Trump Backpedals on Auto Tariffs (Slightly)!

A Tariff... Reversal? Oh My Glob!

Good news everyone! It seems the current President of the United States is doing a little shuffle step on those pesky automotive tariffs. Yes you heard right! Apparently some foreign parts used in American made cars will get a tariff break. And those tariffs on imported cars won't be quite as 'WHAMMY!' as initially feared. As I always say 'When will they ever learn?'...probably never.

Building Partnerships... Or Avoiding a Meltdown?

According to Commerce Secretary What's His Name this is all about 'building partnerships.' Partnerships? More like damage control! But hey if it keeps those Detroit automakers from staging a protest bigger than Bender's ego I'm all for it. The official line is that it rewards domestic manufacturing while giving others a 'runway' to invest in America. A runway to what? A black hole of economic uncertainty? Oh my yes!

The Fine Print: Because There's Always Fine Print

The Wall Street Journal (those ink stained wretches) reports that companies paying tariffs won't get hit with *more* tariffs on things like steel and aluminum. And get this they might even get *reimbursements* for tariffs they already paid! It's like finding a twenty dollar bill in your lab coat...except that twenty dollars is covered in questionable goo and may or may not cause you to grow a third nostril. I need to lie down. I feel faint maybe I need to go home and watch some instructional videos.

Detroit's Big Wigs are... Happy?!

Lo and behold General Motors' Mary Barra and Ford's Jim Farley are actually praising this move! Barra thinks it 'levels the playing field,' while Farley believes it 'mitigates the impact of tariffs.' I haven't seen such enthusiasm since I invented Smell O Scope! ... which by the way is available for a limited time only. Buy now and receive a second Smell O Scope absolutely free!.

Automakers' Plea: 'Don't Tariff Us Bro!'

Just last week a bunch of auto industry groups were practically begging Trump not to slap a 25% tariff on imported auto parts. They warned it would slash sales and jack up prices. Remember my experiment with dark matter underwear? It was less explosive than these potential tariffs! As the report stated tariffs on auto parts will scramble the global automotive supply chain and set off a domino effect that will lead to higher auto prices for consumers lower sales at dealerships and will make servicing and repairing vehicles both more expensive and less predictable. A Domino effect?! Oh the horror!!!

One Supplier Down The Whole Line Shuts Down... Shut. Down.

These automotive chieftains were particularly concerned about smaller suppliers. They rightly stated Most auto suppliers are not capitalized for an abrupt tariff induced disruption. Many are already in distress and will face production stoppages layoffs and bankruptcy. This is the type of scenario that can lead to the shutdown of an entire automaker's production line! One supplier goes belly up and suddenly the whole system grinds to a halt. Talk about a 'Screw you economy!' moment. I just hope this doesn't mean I have to start inventing new ways to power the Planet Express ship... I'm running out of ideas. And interns.