Good News Everyone! Moderna's Flu Shot Might Actually Work!

Wernstrom! A Possible Breakthrough?

Good news everyone! Your favorite (and possibly only) geriatric scientist Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth here with a report on something that might actually prolong our miserable existences. Moderna yes those rascals who brought you that other vaccine claims their new mRNA based flu concoction is better than the usual swill. And by better they mean *more* effective. According to their tests it's like… 26.6% better. That's enough to make even me a man who's seen the invention of Smell O Scope raise an eyebrow. Although it could just be my cataracts acting up again. To shreds you say?

A Shot That Works or Just Another Doomsday Device?

Now don't get your hopes up just yet. Remember my Smell O Scope? Spectacular idea terrible execution. But Moderna's claiming this vaccine actually triggers a stronger immune response. Stronger you say? Like a rabid chihuahua with a caffeine addiction! They even tested it on us 'seasoned' citizens (that's polite for 'about to kick the bucket') and apparently it worked even better on us. I might just live to see another doomsday scenario after all! Of course I've said that before what with Y2K and the killer tomatoes...

A Combo Vaccine? Sweet Zombie Jesus!

And hold onto your dentures because they're planning a combo shot! Covid and the flu all in one jab! Talk about efficiency! It's like my invention the What If Machine but instead of torturing yourself with alternate realities you're just getting two vaccines at once. Saves time reduces doctor visits and probably some money too I guess. I wouldn't know I'm too busy inventing things that will either save humanity or enslave it. You never know which it will be until it is too late.

Bureaucratic Tapeworm

Of course there's always the FDA to contend with. A regulatory body so byzantine it makes my lab look organized. And with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. a known vaccine skeptic (oh my!) involved who knows what shenanigans will ensue! But Moderna seems confident they can navigate the red tape. After all they're promising to resubmit their application and if all goes well we could be getting these shots next year. Unless of course the world ends before then. Possible but not probable.

Multibillion Dollar Market? To Infinity and Beyond!

Apparently the market for flu vaccines (and Covid and RSV) is worth billions! Billions I say! Enough to fund my research into Smell O Vision for decades! Moderna's hoping to grab their share of that sweet sweet cash. And if this vaccine works as well as they claim they just might. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go back to my lab. I'm working on a device that can turn lead into gold... or possibly destroy the universe. Still tinkering with the settings. Shut up and take my money!

A Good Investment? Mmmmmm

Overall this is potentially good news for all of us especially those of us who are closer to the grave than to the cradle. Moderna's vaccine seems promising and if approved it could significantly reduce the burden of the flu. But remember science is a fickle mistress. So don't go celebrating just yet. Wait for the results and in the meantime wash your hands avoid crowds and pray to your respective deities that you don't catch anything nasty. And stay away from my lab! I'm warning you!