Good News Everyone! Americans Fleeing to Portugal Like Morbo to Earth!

Portugal Beckons: A Nation of Siestas and... Freedom?

Good news everyone! It seems those blithering idiots in the United States are finally catching on to what I Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth have known all along: Earth is going to pot! A new study by Expatsi—I assume they're not related to those noisy 'Ex Patsy' robots from the Robot U days—shows that Portugal is the number one country where Americans are dreaming of escaping to. Adventure enrichment growth… bah! Sounds like hippie nonsense. More like escaping the horrors of Momcorp's latest hostile takeover if you ask me!

Why Flee the Homeland? A Mix of Politics and… Lack of Robot Butlers?

The survey indicates that Americans are fleeing for reasons ranging from the 'U.S. being too conservative' (can't imagine *that*) to a desire for 'more freedoms' (freedom from what? Having to listen to Zoidberg's whining?) and to 'avoid the threat of gun violence.' Oh my gun violence! As if we don't have enough to worry about with rogue robots and Nibblonians eating our pets. But hey at least in Portugal they probably don't have to worry about robots becoming sentient and demanding better working conditions! Wait...

Leaving by 2026? That's Sooner Than My Next Mandatory Vacation!

Two thirds of these poor souls aim to abandon ship by 2026! That's barely enough time for me to invent a device that makes pants dance (patent pending of course). Apparently some are hoping to retire others are seeking 'digital nomad visas' (sounds like something Fry would apply for) and a few brave souls are even attempting to secure skilled worker visas. I say good luck to them! Bureaucracy is a beast even worse than those space wasps from Omicron Persei 8.

Trump's Re Election Sends Traffic Soaring: Coincidence? I Think NOT!

And wouldn't you know it traffic to Expatsi's website spiked after President Trump's re election! I'm shocked! Shocked I say! Well not really. Politics are about as predictable as Zapp Brannigan's battle strategies. But hey at least it's good for business! Expatsi's revenue is up a staggering 19,632%! That's more than the number of times Bender has tried to become human! (Failed miserably every time by the way.)

Relocation Tours: Is That Like a Really Really Long Vacation?

Expatsi is offering relocation tours one on one consultations and even a conference in San Antonio. San Antonio! Of all the places… Why not New New York? We have great garbage smells! Anyway these lucky ducks get to learn about visas finances and finding a job as a foreigner. It all sounds suspiciously like… work! Ugh. Still anything's better than being forced to listen to Hermes Conrad's bureaucratic ramblings.

Smarter by CNBC Make It: Now You Too Can Make It Like a Professor!

And finally there's an advertisement for some CNBC courses! Apparently they can help you boost your confidence income and career success. Well *I* didn't need any courses but if you're not a genius like myself perhaps you should check them out. Maybe they can teach you how to invent a Smell O Scope or you know something useful. Also newsletter and LinkedIn community. Blah blah blah. Now if you'll excuse me I have a doomsday device to calibrate!