Pokimane's Guide to Stocks: Will Your Portfolio Be 'Pog' or 'Yikes'?

Trump Tariffs and Nuclear Woes? Hold My Matcha!

Okay chat let's get real. The market's been wilder than a Just Chatting stream with no mods. We've got Trump's tariffs throwing shade whispers of a recession louder than my mic feedback and uh someone decided to bomb Iran? Seriously can we get a chill pill world? My S&P 500 is up like 2% Nasdaq's barely breathing and the Dow looks like it needs a defibrillator. It's giving me anxiety and I'm starting to think I should just invest in more cat ears. But fear not fam because Poki's here to guide you through this financial jungle!

First Solar: Is It Actually 'Solar Pog'?

So Wall Street's all hot and bothered for First Solar (FSLR). Apparently these guys are the Elon Musks of solar panels. Some analyst Jeff Osborne is calling them a 'technology leader' and bragging about their 'excess output.' Sounds kinda sus but okay. Their stock is down 18% this year which let's be honest is rougher than my first attempt at Among Us. But analysts are saying it could jump 38%. Hmmm... is this the 'stonks only go up' meme in real life? 'I'm baby,' but even I know that sounds kinda tempting.

Salesforce: Will Marc Benioff Sell Me the Moon?

Next up Salesforce (CRM). Apparently even CEO Marc Benioff needs a hug because their stock is down 22%. Ouch. But wait there's hope! Cantor's analyst Matthew VanVliet says they're gonna 'unlock AI utilization and monetization.' Translation: they're going to use AI to sell you more stuff. Sneaky but smart. He predicts a 25% rally. Chat should we trust him? My gut says maybe but my head says 'do your own research' (and maybe watch some of my ASMR streams to calm down from all this market madness).

The AI Hype: Will AI Take Over Wall Street?

Speaking of AI it seems to be the buzzword everyone's throwing around. Honestly I'm starting to think AI is just a fancy way of saying 'algorithms are doing all the work while we sip lattes.' But hey if it makes us money I'm not complaining. Just promise me AI won't replace my job... or my ability to accidentally spill water on my keyboard during a heated gaming session.

Other Stocks Wall Street Simps For

Apparently Wall Street is also crushing on BioMarin Pharmaceutical (because health is wealth am I right?) Light & Wonder (gambling but make it techy) Fiserv (fintech but make it slightly less boring) and Burlington Stores (discount shopping because who doesn't love a good bargain?). Should you buy them? I don't know I'm just a streamer with a slightly above average understanding of memes and a questionable sense of financial responsibility. Don't take my word for it!

Final Thoughts: Don't Forget To Hydrate

Alright chat that's the tea (or should I say matcha?). Remember investing is risky so don't go yolo ing your life savings into some random stock because Poki told you to. Do your research stay hydrated and remember even if your portfolio is down you're still a beautiful amazing human being. And if all else fails just blame Trump. Kappa.