Trump's Totally Not-So-Mobile Meltdown: AT&T Gets Jinxed!

Wah Wah Wireless Blues!

Okay so Mr. 'Make America Great Again' is having a total meltdown! Seems like AT&T is messing with his conference calls... with faith leaders no less! Can you believe it? He's on Truth Social whining like a Powder Monkey with a splinter. Says they "ought to get their act together!" Someone get this guy a Fishbones to chew on stat! I betcha he wishes he could just 'super mega death rocket!' that AT&T tower!

Introducing: The 'Trump'et Phone!

Here's the kicker folks! Two weeks ago BAM! Trump announces Trump Mobile! A phone service with a $499 smartphone. Hmmm suspicious right? Is it just me or does this whole thing smell like a Zap powered scam? I bet you this phone explodes if you call it from Mexico. He says "If the Boss of AT & T whoever that may be could get involved it would be good," Like seriously? You just gonna sell the phone yourself while the wireless companies carry the data for ya? Genius!

Stankey's Gonna Get Pranked

So apparently some guy named John Stankey is the big cheese at AT&T. Wonder if he's got a Boom Boom to protect him from Trump's Twitter tantrums? Trump's second post was even better: "AT & T obviously doesn't know what they're doing!" I bet Stankey is rolling his eyes so hard right now. He probably is thinking "You think I'm crazy? You should see my sister!"

Carrier Pigeon > AT&T?

Trump's threatening to ditch AT&T and go with another carrier! Maybe he should try carrier pigeons? They're way more reliable and definitely more entertaining. Can you imagine trying to get a signal in The White House? It's probably like trying to find a decent cup of coffee in Zaun! I wouldn't want to live there no sir!

Market Mayhem!

Of course this whole social media circus sent AT&T shares on a rollercoaster ride! Up down all around! Makes you wonder if Trump's just trying to manipulate the market. I'd bet my favorite pair of rocket launcher boots that there's some seriously shady business going on here! This is nothing but chaos theory baby!

Money Money Money... It's a Rich Man's World!

And get this! Trump Mobile is using all three major wireless carriers! So technically AT&T is still making money off of him! The terms of the deal are secret but I bet it involves a whole lotta zeros and probably a golden toilet seat. The White House is staying quiet about the whole thing but I bet they are sweating! I can't wait to blow it all up!