Trump's Tariff Tantrums Threaten Macron's Royal Romp! Is This a Joke?!

Royal Welcome? More Like Royal Bore fest!

Ugh so Macron's swanning around the UK right? Meeting Wills and Kate shaking hands with King Sparkles (that's Charles duh). All very… *yawn*… official. Like anyone cares about fancy carriages and speeches. 'Oh look at me I'm so important!' Can we just skip to the explosions already? I mean what's the point of having world leaders if they're not causing a little chaos? Am I right? Talk about a snooze fest!

Trump's Tariff Time Bomb!

But get this – while Macron's busy being all diplomatic Trump's over there threatening to slap tariffs on everyone! Like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Apparently he's sending 'letters' (probably written in crayon) to a bunch of countries telling them they're gonna get walloped with higher trade taxes. Seriously? This is how you run a world power? With passive aggressive notes? Pathetic! Powder kegs are way more effective!

EU Scrambles Like Scared Kittens!

Now the EU's panicking trying to cut a deal with the orange guy before he blows everything up. They're all 'Please Mr. Trump don't hurt us!' Pathetic. They should be out causing some mayhem! Maybe blow up a few banks or something. Show some spine you know? I'd prefer the EU trying to be a super villain instead of a cry baby.

The Pomp and Pageantry Distraction

Meanwhile back in Blighty they're still rolling out the red carpet for Macron. Speeches banquets the whole shebang. King Charles is blathering on about 'complex threats' and 'standing together'. Blah blah blah! It's like they're trying to distract everyone from the fact that the world's about to go kablooey! 'Here look at the shiny things while we argue about money!' Nope not falling for it. I want BOOM!

Starmer's Secret Trump Whisperer?

And get this apparently Starmer's got the inside track with Trump. Like he knows how to sweet talk the big orange…thing. Maybe he can teach Macron a few tricks. Although knowing Macron he'd probably just try to out fancy Trump with his scarves or something. Loser! I bet I could get Trump on my side. All it takes is a few rockets and a promise of explosions...lots of them. Then we'd be laughing… maniacally.

Explosions or Economics? Obviously Explosions!

So what's the takeaway here? World leaders are boring Trump's a loose cannon and economics are a HUGE snore. Really the news should all be about explosions right? 'Think of me when you detonate!' Now if you'll excuse me I've got some… *ahem*… 'art projects' to work on. Gotta make sure the world keeps spinning...and maybe throws in a few extra flips along the way!