Kaboom! Numbers About to Explode!
Alright Powder Monkeys listen up! Microsoft's about to spill the beans on their Q3 numbers after the market shuts its peepers. Analysts are mumbling about $3.22 earnings per share and a measly $68.42 billion in revenue. Revenue slowing down? That's like telling me to stop blowing things up! 'Rules are meant to be broken!' This could be boring… unless… BOOM!
Trump's Tariff Tantrum!
But hold your horses maniacs! Everyone's more worried about what Microsoft's big cheese Satya Nadella has to say about the future. Apparently some orange haired dude named Trump is throwing a tariff tantrum. Steve Ballmer (who used to run the show) is already whining that tariffs are 'not good'. Nadella is trying to be all zen saying they'll 'adjust'. Adjust to what? More targets for Fishbones!
AI Apocalypse Now?
Microsoft's been throwing piles of cash – like $80 BILLION – at AI data centers this year. But the money lady Amy Hood is saying the spending spree might slow down next year. And guess what? Their Azure cloud services the ones NOT hooked on AI didn't make enough money. Whoops! Nadella says they're 'adjusting sales incentives'. Sounds like someone's getting a bonus for selling more… air?
Azure's in the Air... Or Is It?
The brainy folks are saying Azure's growth is gonna be around 30%. But here's the thing Fishbones! They thought it would be higher! It's like aiming for the moon and landing... in a pile of scrap metal. Still shiny but not quite the same is it?
OpenAI Shenanigans!
And get this: Microsoft changed their relationship with OpenAI their AI best buddy. They get first dibs on OpenAI's new computing power but they don't HAVE to provide it. That's like saying I get to pick the next bank to rob but I might just stay home and paint my nails! On the same day OpenAI announced the Stargate project with some other companies. All that sounds complicated but to me...it means more things to shoot!
Gonna Blow!
So there you have it my little psychos! Microsoft's stock is down tariffs are looming and AI might be a bust. Tune in at 5:30 p.m. ET to hear the suits babble about it. Me? I'll be busy finding something to blow up. 'Here comes Jinx!'
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rajpenmatsa
I bet I could run Microsoft better than those suits. Chaos is good!
Digitalline
Tariffs? Sounds boring. Where's the fun in that?
jdev1977
Did someone say money? I'm in!
MsSuccess
Stargate? Sounds like a good place to set off fireworks.
KInfinitiX
If Microsoft's in trouble, maybe I can borrow some cash for more rockets.
krazykat
So... more booms or less booms? That's the real question!
GEORGI16
I'm pretty sure Fishbones has better investment advice than these analysts.
owenlee1975
Azure? Sounds like a fancy brand of hairspray.