Bumble BLOWS UP... Their Workforce?! Jinx Investigates!

Kaboom! Bumble's Workforce Gets a Jinx Style Makeover

Okay so word on the street – or you know from some boring news article – is that Bumble the place where people try to find… ugh *love* is blowing up a HUGE chunk of their workforce! Like 30% gone! That's like taking Vi's gauntlets and using them to smash… well everything! Apparently it's all about 'optimizing execution' or whatever the heck that means. Sounds like corporate mumbo jumbo to me! But hey less people means more money for… fireworks? Asking for a friend. Cough.

BOOM! Cost Cuts are the Best Cuts!

So all these layoffs are gonna cost them some dough upfront like $13 million to $18 million. That's a lotta rockets! But the upside is they're gonna save $40 million a year! That's enough to buy a whole army of Fishboneses! I bet I could make more money from those savings than they could with all these updates they're apparently going to invest in. New product new tech... sounds boring... but as long as I get cool new weapons I am ALL for it!

From Shiny to Slightly Tarnished: Bumble's Stock Plunge

Remember when Bumble was all shiny and new? Like one of Jayce's gadgets before I got my hands on it? Well turns out their stock went SPLAT! They lost like a bajillion dollars! Okay maybe not a *bajillion* but they’ve plummeted like one of my rockets when I forget to aim! From $7.7 billion to a measly $538 million! Serves them right for not having enough explosions am I right? That's why the people love me because I am a true artist of destruction!

The CEO Shuffle: Whitney's Back!

So the big cheese Whitney Wolfe Herd bounced then bounced back! Like a super bouncy bomb! Did she miss the chaos? Probably not but hey more power to her! Maybe she can convince them to add some actual explosions to the app. You know spice things up!

Money Money Money! (Or You Know Revenue)

Okay so they're expecting to make some money this quarter somewhere between $244 million and $249 million. And their 'adjusted EBITDA' (whatever THAT is) is gonna be between $88 million and $93 million. Sounds like a lot of numbers to me. Numbers make my head hurt I'd rather just stick with explosions and mayhem! But I suppose that's why I'm a criminal mastermind and not a corporate drone!

Bumble vs. Jinx: Who Makes a Bigger Boom?

So the question remains: Can Bumble bounce back from all this madness? Or will they just keep going down like a lead balloon? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: I Jinx will be here to watch the fireworks. Literally and figuratively. Heh. Who's ready for some mayhem?