Kaboom! Apple's Getting the Jinx Treatment!
Alright Powder Monkeys! Jinx here reporting LIVE from the front lines of… courtrooms? Ugh boring. But hey this news is BANG tastic! Seems like Apple that big shiny fruit company got caught with its hand in the cookie jar! Or should I say App Store? Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers – she sounds like someone who knows how to party – basically said Apple was being a big ol' liar in their fight with Epic Games. Epic win for Epic am I right? 'Rules are made to be broken' – except when they're court orders apparently. Oops?
Liar Liar Pants on Fire! (Apple Edition)
So here's the juicy stuff: Apparently Apple's Vice President of Finance this dude named Alex Roman told a big fib about when Apple decided to charge a 27% fee on some purchases. The judge was NOT happy. She said he "outright lied" and that Apple basically adopted those lies. I bet he's wishing he had a Zap gun to get out of this mess! They even hid a meeting with Tim Cook talk about being sneaky. 'Here comes the money!' – not so much for Apple anymore huh?
Judge Yvonne's Got Some Boom Boom Power!
Our Judge Rogers ain't playing around folks. She's so mad she’s sicced the U.S. attorneys on Apple! Criminal contempt proceedings? Sounds serious! Maybe they'll have to wear those orange jumpsuits. Now THAT'S entertainment! She said Apple tried to wiggle out of her original order to let app developers link to their own websites for purchases outside the App Store. Apple tried to collect a 27% commission from some of those purchases only a slight discount from the 30% Apple usually collects from in app purchases. Talk about a rip off!
Anti Competitive? More Like Anti Fun!
The judge says Apple's been making anti competitive decisions left and right. Can you believe it? They even presented evidence that was "tailor made for litigation" instead of the real discussions they had. It's like trying to use a rubber ducky in a real fight! 'Surprise! I'm back!' – that's what Apple thought when they tried to pull a fast one but the judge saw right through it.
Tim Cook's Cooking Up Trouble!
Apparently even some of Apple's own people thought charging those fees was a bad idea! Some guy named Phil Schiller didn't want Apple to take a commission on web links but Tim Cook ignored him. 'Think you're stopping me? I'm unstoppable!' – yeah well looks like the judge stopped you Timmy! The judge ordered them to stop charging those commissions immediately.
Epic Games Wins! Time for Fireworks!
Tim Sweeney the CEO of Epic Games is doing a happy dance and so am I! He said it's a huge win for developers because now they can offer their own payment services alongside Apple's. "This forces Apple to compete. This is what we wanted all along." Sounds like a good reason to set off some rockets! 'Ask me if I care!' – that's what I'd say to Apple's whiny excuses. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some celebrating to do! KA BOOM!
Apple Epic Games App Store lawsuit Jinx League of Legends Judge Rogers Tim Cook Alex Roman antitrust
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elrossco
Epic Games is epic for standing up to Apple!
kgabauer
Jinx reporting on tech news? I'm here for it!
uksam
Apple totally deserved that! They've been ripping people off for too long.
baubam18
Maybe now Apple will finally play fair.
kai099
This is a win for all the little guys!
djcapizzi
Tim Cook chose poorly, indeed!
araszero
I can't believe they lied under oath. That's just wrong.