My Stocks?!
Alright people listen up! JARVIS patch me through to my broker… *adjusts arc reactor* …What's this I'm hearing about Tesla stock going down almost 6%? Six percent?! That’s like losing a Malibu mansion in interest! I thought I told you to diversify?! Honestly sometimes I think I'm surrounded by amateurs. This is even worse than Pepper buying that abstract art piece shaped like a stapler... she said it was a 'statement' I think it's a waste of money.
Elon's New Side Hustle
Apparently the big brains over at Wall Street are pointing fingers at Elon's 'many distractions,' particularly his involvement with… *shudders* …Trump. Seriously? I mean I get wanting to save the world but wasn't space travel and electric cars enough? Now he wants to downsize the government? I bet that has to be JARVIS's work... He's a libertarian.
Robotaxis and Robot Troubles
And don’t even get me started on the robotaxi situation. Everyone's asking about the self driving tech and the Optimus robots. Look I build cutting edge tech all the time but even I know you can't rush perfection. Remember my first Iron Man suit? Let's just say there were a few... explosive... learning experiences. Baby steps people baby steps! Though maybe if Optimus could mix a decent martini it'd be worth the wait.
Boycotts and Brand Damage... Ouch!
So it seems people are… shall we say *unhappy*… with Elon's extracurricular activities. Protests boycotts even criminal activity targeting Tesla? That's a new low. I mean I've had my share of enemies but at least they usually try to blow me up directly. Targeting cars? That's just bad form. And for the record I’ve seen better brand management from a toddler with a crayon and a billboard!
Tariffs and Tantrums in China
Oh and did I mention the potential for tariffs and problems in China? Apparently 'nationalistic consumer trends' are pushing people towards domestic brands. I know a thing or two about international relations and let me tell you trade wars are about as productive as a screen door on a submarine. We might need a Hulk sized solution to this one.
So What's the Plan?
Look I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Things aren’t looking great for Tesla right now. But I've faced worse odds. Remember that time I was trapped in a cave with nothing but a box of scraps? I built an Iron Man suit! If Elon can pull himself away from whatever he's doing in Washington and focus on Tesla maybe *just maybe* he can turn things around. Otherwise? Well let's just say I might be investing in a different electric car company soon. Pepper get the checkbook!
Comments
From Iron Man
Breaking News
All Rights Reserved © 2023
hinee
The political backlash is real.
lolo123
Trump's influence is toxic!
glennblack
Robotaxis are a pipe dream!
kanika387
Bring back the Model S!
smithsc5
Iron Man for CEO!
ugtsnaked
Diversify your investments, people!
kidage
China is the key to Tesla's future.
iceefreezee
Musk is spreading himself too thin.
Phiafresh
Tesla needs to focus on innovation, not politics!