Fortune and Missiles! Iran and Israel's Dangerous Game of Cat and Mouse...With Rockets!

Evacuate! Evacuate! Everybody Evacuate!

Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes...and missiles? Yours truly Indiana Jones reporting live ish from… well let's just say a safe distance from the latest dust up in the Middle East. Seems Iran and Israel are playing a delightful game of 'who can evacuate faster' and believe me folks nobody wants to be last in this contest! Northern Tehran and Bnei Brak eastern Tel Aviv are the new hot spots or rather 'about to be' hot spots. Apparently both sides have decided that civilian areas are just dandy places to park their military infrastructure. It’s like they’re daring each other saying 'Go ahead make my day! Just try not to hit the falafel stand.'

Kaboom Goes the Newsroom!

Now I've seen some dramatic exits in my day – jumping out of planes with a rubber raft dodging boulders the size of Volkswagens but I gotta say this takes the cake. According to reports an Iranian news broadcast was interrupted by a missile strike! Talk about a cliffhanger! The anchor literally vanished faster than a Nazi's morals. And as for debris and smoke? Trust me I know a thing or two about dramatic entrances and exits this one was the real deal.

Iron Dome: More Like Iron Sieve?

Israel's been relying on its 'highly efficient' Iron Dome missile defense system to keep the party crashers out. But even the best systems can get overwhelmed when you throw a whole parade of projectiles at them! It's like trying to catch raindrops in a thimble. Though I heard Iran is using “innovative methods.” Reminds me of that time Belloq tried to outsmart me. Didn’t end well for him did it? Though I think Iran's “innovative methods” consist of their own air defense systems shooting each other down. 'It belongs in a museum!'...or maybe a junkyard?

Oil Prices: Greased Lightning or Slow Burn?

Ah yes the black gold. When the Middle East sneezes the global economy catches a cold. Oil prices are wobbling like a tipsy tourist on a camel and investors are biting their nails harder than Short Round on a rollercoaster. Everyone's worried about the Strait of Hormuz the key shipping lane becoming a demolition derby. But the markets? They're surprisingly calm like they've seen this movie before. Are they hoping for a quick resolution or just plain jaded? 'We are only walking to our death!'...or maybe just a slight dip in the stock market.

Trump Card: To Nuke or Not to Nuke?

And then there's the U.S. playing the role of concerned uncle with a very big stick. Trump bless his heart is apparently not keen on assassinating Iran's supreme leader. Apparently he's pushing for a deal which is surprising considering I've heard he had a hard hitting stance against them during his first term. It all sounds like a game of high stakes poker and the world is holding its breath waiting to see who blinks first. Maybe the key to all this is in the Map Room at Tanis.

The Price of Dictatorship is a Punch to the Face.

So what's the takeaway here? The Middle East is still a powder keg diplomacy is more fragile than a crystal skull and everyone's scrambling for higher ground. As for me I'm sticking to archaeology. At least ancient curses are predictable. 'I hate these guys!' Now if you'll excuse me I've got a relic to find and a fedora to polish. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.