Fortune and Glory! Top US Summer Destinations Unveiled (Snakes, Why Did It Have To Be Snakes?)

Tripadvisor's Crystal Skull

Right so Tripadvisor eh? Sounds like one of those mystical artifacts everyone's after. They've been poking around digging up where Americans are planning to spend their summer hols. Seems they surveyed over 2,800 souls and peered into the digital abyss of their website searches. All for travel between June and August 2025. I've faced worse odds raiding tombs I tell you what!

Florida: Sunshine and Shenanigans

Now Florida. That state’s got more cities on the 'Top 10' list than you can shake a stick at. Apparently this Fischer Groban dame from Tripadvisor reckons it's 'cause of the 'year long pull' towards theme parks and beaches. 'Incredible beaches,' she says. Well I've seen incredible beaches and I've seen Florida. Let’s just say I’d rather deal with a horde of Nazis than a sunburn.

Vegas Baby! (But What Happens There Doesn't Stay There)

And leading the pack? Las Vegas! That glittering monument to questionable decisions and Elvis impersonators. Fischer Groban chirps 'What happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas because people write a ton of reviews and have a lot to say.' Tell me about it. Last time I was there I woke up married to a showgirl and missing my fedora. Still haven't found that thing...

New York New York: A City So Good They Named It... Twice

Number two on the list is the Big Apple New York City. 'A lot to do,' they say. True enough. You can dodge taxi cabs eat questionable street meat and get lost in a museum. Personally I’d take the Amazon rainforest over a crowded subway any day. At least the snakes are predictable.

The Rest of the Pack (Or 'Places I'd Rather Be Raiding')

The rest of the list is a mixed bag: Myrtle Beach Ocean City Chicago Honolulu Panama City Beach Key West Clearwater and Nashville. Honestly I'd rather be in any of those places raiding an ancient temple than stuck in a crowded airport. 'We are not going to Cairo! We are going to fly over it!' (But I guess these locations will do... for now).

Fortune and Glory (And Maybe a Discount)

So there you have it. America's summer travel hotspots. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a map to decipher and a lost ark to find. And maybe just maybe I'll sneak in a discounted online course on 'mastering communication'. Because let's face it sometimes even I can’t talk my way out of trouble. 'I hate these guys.'