Dark Arts in the Vatican? Black Smoke Signals Trouble at Papal Conclave!

The Smoke Signal: Is Voldemort Involved?

Right gather 'round you lot! Harry Potter here reporting live from… well not exactly Hogwarts but the Vatican! Apparently these Cardinals are having a bit of a kerfuffle trying to pick a new Headmaster… I mean Pope. I swear the black smoke billowing from the Sistine Chapel chimney yesterday was eerily similar to the Dark Mark. Could Voldemort be making a comeback this time as a religious figurehead? Dumbledore would have had a field day with this.

A Papal Waiting Game: Longer Than Snape's Potions Lectures

Thousands of eager beavers or rather faithful Catholics were packed into St. Peter's Square waiting for the signal. Now I've waited for my fair share of things – Hagrid to brew a decent cuppa Hermione to stop correcting Ron but this? Apparently the smoke took its sweet time to appear. Three hours you say? That's longer than one of Professor Snape's potions lectures! Clearly these Cardinals were taking their sweet time. One hour more than when they picked the last Pope Francis

Whispers of Division: More Dramatic Than a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch Match

Some Cardinals are hoping to wrap things up quickly aiming for a Thursday or Friday finish. They want to show a unified front after the late Pope Francis's 12 year reign. But oh dear it seems there's more drama than a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch match! Some are pushing for the Church to 'turn back the clock and embrace old traditions.' Sounds like someone's been hitting the Polyjuice Potion a bit too hard if you ask me.

Secrecy and Smoke Signals: The Cardinal's Version of the Marauder's Map

These 133 Cardinals all under 80 (lucky them try battling a Basilisk at 11!) are bunking in Vatican guesthouses plotting and planning like a bunch of Slytherins. Their only communication with the outside world? That pesky smoke signal. Black smoke for 'no dice,' white smoke for 'we have a Pope!' It's like a magical game of charades but with higher stakes than a game of Exploding Snap.

The Next Pontiff: A Quest More Complicated Than Finding a Horcrux

Apparently the Cardinals can't agree on what they want in their next leader. Some want to continue Francis's 'openness and reform,' while others want to 'turn the clock back.' It's like they're all searching for a Horcrux but instead of bits of Voldemort's soul they're looking for the perfect Pope. Italian Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re said they must set aside "every personal consideration" and think only of "the good of the Church and of humanity". Easier said than done mate.

Front Runners and Dark Horses: The Triwizard Tournament of Popes

Word on the street (or the Daily Prophet as I like to call it) is that Italian Cardinal Pietro Parolin and Filipino Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle are the front runners. But if neither can secure a win the votes might shift faster than a Bludger in a Quidditch match. Jean Marc Aveline from France Peter Erdo from Hungary Robert Prevost from America and Pierbattista Pizzaballa from Italy are also in the running. May the best wizard… I mean Cardinal… win!