Texas Flood Turns Tragic: Even Accio Couldn't Save Them All!

A River Runs Red (and Muddy)

Right so picture this: Texas. Not exactly known for its serene rivers but rather scorching sun. But apparently a biblical deluge turned the Guadalupe River into something straight out of the Chamber of Secrets only instead of Slytherin's monster it was a wall of water. A Christian girls' summer camp Camp Mystic (ironic isn't it?) got the brunt of it. Makes you think maybe they needed a bit of that Hermione Granger level prepping or a Protego Maxima charm or just a good ol' fashioned Floo Powder escape. At least 96 souls gone. Ninety six! That's a whole Hogwarts house maybe even two vanished by a flash flood. Even Voldemort only managed what 50 or 60 including Quirrell? Too soon?

Missing Presumed… Not Good

Search teams are still slogging through the mud poor blokes but let's be honest after three days hope's thinner than Nearly Headless Nick. Twenty seven campers and counselors already confirmed… gone. Ten girls and one brave counselor still MIA. It's like a real life Room of Requirement situation only instead of finding what you need you're finding what you definitely *don't* want to find. And the weather? More rain on the way. Honestly someone needs to cast a Muffliato on those clouds before things get even worse. I'd volunteer my services but I'm a bit preoccupied with you know not reliving the Triwizard Tournament.

Flash Flood Alley? More Like Death Eater Territory!

Apparently this bit of Texas Hill Country is known as "flash flood alley." Charming. Sounds like a place Voldemort would pick for a secret Death Eater meeting. The New York Times – good ol' Rita Skeeter’s old haunt – is reporting over 100 dead. Bloody hell. And now everyone’s asking the important questions: where were the warnings? Why no sirens? Someone needs a stern talking to from Professor McGonagall… or maybe a good dose of Veritaserum. Though I suspect Fudge and Umbridge would probably be in charge and we know how well *that* went.

Patrick Promises Sirens: Too Little Too Late?

Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick (not to be confused with Cormac McLaggen) is vowing to pay for a flash flood warning system. Next summer. *Next* summer? That's like promising to buy a Firebolt after the Quidditch World Cup’s already over. "There should have been sirens," he says. You think? It's like saying "water is wet" after you've already been drowned. Still at least someone's admitting fault. Maybe Lucius Malfoy would take notes.

A Century Old Camp and a Sky Mishap

Camp Mystic bless its cotton socks is over a hundred years old. The co owner Richard Eastland died trying to save the kids. Proper hero. You know like Dumbledore Snape Sirius… only hopefully without the tragic ending. And to top it off some muppet flying a drone crashed into a search helicopter! Honestly it's like Fred and George got hold of a Muggle aircraft. Luckily no one was hurt but seriously people focus! Now is not the time to explore the Room of Requirement!

Climate Change: The Unseen Horcrux?

And of course the European eggheads are blaming climate change. More extreme weather more frequent floods. Blimey. So now we've got Voldemort *and* global warming to worry about? Brilliant. "Climate change loads the dice," they say. Yeah well Voldemort loaded the dice with a few unforgivable curses too. Maybe we need a new Ministry of Magic department – one that fights pollution instead of just sweeping things under the rug (Fudge style naturally).