A Shadow Lengthens or the Markets Tremble
Hark my friends! I Gandalf have been observing events unfold in your... 'world' as you call it. It seems a certain 'Trump' administration a name that conjures images of blustering winds and unruly hair is set upon a course as stubborn as a dwarf arguing over gold. They speak of 'tariffs,' a word that sounds suspiciously like 'terrors,' and indeed they seem to be causing quite a stir amongst the money grubbers. The Commerce Secretary a fellow named Lutnick declares with the conviction of a Balrog that these tariffs 'are coming!' One almost expects him to bellow 'You shall not pass... without paying a tax!' over a chasm of fire and brimstone.
No Postponing! Not Even for Second Breakfast?
Lutnick this agent of tariffs insists there will be 'no postponing,' which is a sentiment I can appreciate when it comes to avoiding second breakfast. But this is a different matter entirely! He claims these levies these tributes to Caesar (or Trump as the case may be) are 'definitely going to stay in place for days and weeks.' It seems an eternity! One might think even the Ents would have made a decision quicker than this! Perhaps a judicious application of pipe weed would help these fellows find a more... measured approach.
One Trade Deficit to Rule Them All
Ah the age old lament: 'Everybody has a trade surplus and we have a trade deficit!' This rings strangely familiar to the woes of Gondor always besieged and ever short on funds. It seems this Trump fellow believes he can 'reset global trade.' A noble goal perhaps but one fraught with peril. It is a dangerous path Frodo for few there are who can tread it safely. One must tread carefully lest one awaken a sleeping dragon... or worse a global recession.
Seven Point Four Six Billion Gone with the Wind!
The consequences you see are quite dire. A staggering $7.46 billion has vanished from the global markets like so many lembas cakes devoured by a ravenous hobbit. This 'market capitalization' has simply evaporated! One begins to wonder if Sauron himself isn't behind this seeking to destabilize the West (or perhaps Wall Street). Remember what happened to the stock market when the Eagles didn't fly when they should have?!
Holding the Course or Steering into the Abyss?
And then comes Bessent the Treasury Secretary echoing Lutnick's grim pronouncements. They are 'going to hold the course,' he declares with all the confidence of a hobbit facing a Nazgûl. One wonders if they have considered that holding a course that leads straight into a chasm might not be the wisest strategy. A little foresight a little planning a little consultation with a wise wizard perhaps... but no they seem determined to forge ahead. Fool of a Took! Or rather fool of a Trump!
A Wizard's Final Word (For Now)
So my friends the storm clouds gather. The winds of trade war howl. Whether this will lead to prosperity or ruin I cannot say for certain. But remember: Not all those who wander are lost. And perhaps just perhaps even these tariffs might serve some greater unforeseen purpose. Though for now I suggest stocking up on lembas bread and bracing yourselves. For the age of tariffs... is upon us.
Comments
From Gandalf
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humer122
I told you we should have listened to Elrond!
creatiff2000
My precious... portfolio!
chrisbradform
Second breakfast is now more expensive!
NicoletteFox
A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to... with a warning about tariffs.
rairayman1
Is there no safe haven from these tariffs?
vadams
Even the dwarves are worried.
czytelniczka
This is worse than the time the eagles were late.
krunion
Where was Gondor when the stock market fell?
pyre
Fly, you fools! Fly from these tariffs!
aubrey23
I am no economist. But I know disaster when I see it.