EToro Awakens: IPO Lightsaber Ignites at $4.2 Billion Valuation!

A New Hope for Wall Street?

The Force is strong with eToro. After years of delays and setbacks this trading platform has finally launched its IPO at $52 a share valuing the business at a paltry $4.2 billion. As if that impresses the Dark Side. They've raised almost $310 million selling nearly 6 million shares. Frankly the Emperor would laugh. I find their lack of faith... disturbing.

Tariff Menace: IPOs Strike Back?

Remember when the orange faced one occupied the White House? Even HE couldn't bring life back to the IPO market. After CoreWeave’s debut everyone thought it was safe to come out but then the tariff uncertainties stalled everything and these IPO padawans ran scared like womp rats in Beggar's Canyon. Klarna and StubHub took cover too. Pathetic.

The Nasdaq Strikes Back!

eToro's debut on the Nasdaq under the ticker 'ETOR' (a rather uninspired name if I may say so) will be a test of the market's risk tolerance. Digital physical therapy company Hinge Health and fintech company Chime are watching closely. Perhaps the Force will be with them... or perhaps they will suffer the fate of Alderaan.

Sibling Rivalry: Robinhood's Revenge?

Founded by Yoni and Ronen Assia along with David Ring eToro dares to compete with the likes of Robinhood. They profit from trading fees spreads and even charging for withdrawals and currency conversion. Despicable! One might say they are as clumsy as they are greedy.

Crypto Empire: A Sith Lord's Delight?

The numbers don't lie even if politicians do. Net income increased nearly thirteenfold last year hitting $192.4 million! And their crypto revenue more than tripled! They are strong with the dark side of crypto. Perhaps I should acquire them... they would be a powerful asset.

The Phantom SPAC

Ah yes the SPAC debacle of 2022. A deal that would have valued them at over $10 billion vanished like a Jedi Master after being struck down. Now BlackRock is offering to buy $100 million in shares. A small gesture but perhaps a sign that the galaxy far far away is finally ready for eToro. But remember underestimate the power of the Dark Side... I mean the market... at your peril.