A Great Disturbance in the Force (of the Stock Market)
I sense a great disturbance in the Force. Apple once a beacon of technological might is crumbling before the might of… tariffs? A pathetic weapon. President Trump's tariffs it seems are more powerful than even the Dark Side imagined. The stock market a playground for the weak has been shaken. Apple's stock price has plummeted like a Rebel pilot without shields.
The Empire Strikes Back (at Apple's Bottom Line)
A three day rout? A 19% decline? $638 billion wiped out? These are numbers that even I Darth Vader find… impressive in their destruction. Apple's reliance on China is its weakness a flaw in its design. A trade war is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural. But for Apple it is a pathway to the dark side of balance sheets.
India Vietnam Thailand: The Rebel Alliance's Failed Counterattack
Apple thought it could outmaneuver the Empire by moving production to India Vietnam and Thailand. Foolish. These are mere distractions. Trump's sweeping plans will crush them as well. As I told the Emperor 'All your base are belong to us!'. Clearly Apple did not get the memo.
Microsoft and Tesla: The Survivors (For Now)
Among the megacap companies Apple suffers the most. Microsoft and Tesla weak as they are managed to avoid the full brunt of the assault… for now. Their hubris will be their undoing. They underestimate the power of the Dark Side… and tariffs.
Price Hike Incoming: You Can Either Increase Prices or Suffer the Consequences!
Analysts suggest Apple must either raise prices or absorb the tariff costs. Raise prices? Hah! The consumers will feel the Emperor's wrath. UBS estimates a $350 price hike for the highest end iPhone? That is… acceptable. Perhaps the common folk will finally understand the true cost of their frivolous toys. As I said before 'I find your lack of faith disturbing!'
Supply Chain Shenanigans: The Desperate Gambit
Rearrange the supply chain? A desperate gamble! Apple seeks to import from countries with lower tariffs. Such pathetic attempts to evade the inevitable! The Force and the tariffs will find them. Their defiance only makes their destruction more satisfying. Apple declined to comment? Of course. Silence is the refuge of the damned.
Comments
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steph521
This is worse than the destruction of Alderaan!
BeMiMi
I always knew Apple was a Rebel sympathizer.
pocketme
Perhaps this is Apple's 'I am your father' moment.
powerson
Looks like the Force is not with Apple.
blacklisted124god
Is there no escape from this tariff Death Star?
rubysamy
These tariffs are strong with the Dark Side.
tyler25
Maybe Apple should build a real Death Star instead of phones.
Luciiana
The Emperor will not be pleased.
nannypam
This deal is getting worse all the time!