LVMH Stock CRASHES! Is This the End of Luxury As We Know It?!

By the Gods What Fresh Hell Is This?

Hmph. Another day another disappointment. It seems even mortals are not immune to the chaos of the market. LVMH a titan amongst…purveyors of earthly delights…has stumbled. Their first quarter sales have plummeted a decline of 3%. A pittance compared to the bloodshed I've wrought but significant for them apparently. They whine of weaker demand in the U.S. and China for their…concoctions. Bah! I have tasted ambrosia; these mortal drinks are but colored water.

Cognac Catastrophe!

It seems their 'wines and spirits' took the biggest hit down 9%. Especially this 'cognac' of theirs. They claim 'geopolitical tensions' are to blame. As if mere squabbles between nations can stop the flow of gold. Perhaps they should try offering their cognac to the gods; a bit of nectar might improve their sales. Or you know stop making it taste like disappointment!

The Fashion Fiasco

Even their precious 'fashion and leather goods' took a tumble a 5% slide. These trinkets these baubles…they mean nothing. Yet the mortals crave them. They are like flies drawn to a flickering flame consumed by vanity and fleeting pleasures. Remember boy (Atreus)?! Focus! We need to adapt to the current circumstances to survive do you understand me?!

Europe Rises Asia Plummets!

Only Europe saw growth a measly 2%. Asia excluding Japan fell 11% while the U.S. dropped 3%. Japan...down 1%. It seems the world is out of balance. Like the realms before I brought them to their knees! Such weakness is…unacceptable. Mortals bicker over trade and tariffs. They should fear something more substantial like…me.

Analyst Angst

These so called 'analysts' fret and predict doom. They speak of 'uncertainty' and 'tariff induced economic downturns.' Hah! Uncertainty is the only constant. Even the gods cannot predict the whims of fate. These mortals clutch at their pearls and tremble. Let them. I have faced worse odds and emerged victorious. 'Do not mistake my silence for lack of knowledge.'

The Ghost of Economies Past...

LVMH blames 'trade tensions' and volatile policies. They say the parameters are 'changing every hour.' Pitiful. Adapt or die. That is the only law. If these luxury brands cannot withstand a little…turbulence…then they are not worthy of their riches. Now where is my Leviathan Axe? There are things to cleave and fortunes to be made from the ashes. The cycle ends here. We must be better (Atreus). Be better.