What in Tarnation? Swamp Dweller Shrek Reacts to Minnesota Mayhem!

Farquaad's Gone Too Far!

Well howdy there folks! Shrek here your friendly neighborhood ogre comin' at ya from the swamp with some news that's got me greener than usual – and not in a good way! Seems like things in Minnesota have gone from 'someBODY once told me' to 'someBODY needs to chill!' This whole situation with the lawmakers is messier than my outhouse after Donkey's been visitin'. Apparently some fella named Boelter went full on Farquaad thinkin' he could just waltz into people's homes and cause a ruckus. Life imprisonment eh? Maybe he'll find out the swamp life isn't so bad after all except it isn't in a prison!

Onions Have Layers and So Does This Mess

This Joe Thompson fella says it's like somethin' out of a nightmare. Well I've had nightmares about Donkey singin' opera all night but this is way worse. They say this Boelter planned the whole thing stalkin' folks and makin' a list like he's Santa Claus but with way less cheer and way more... well you know. Sounds like he was trying to be a hero... I mean look at what happened to Farquaad... serves him right for trying to take what ain't his. I wonder if he'll be happier now.

Donkey's Got More Sense Than This Boelter!

Now I ain't no political expert – I leave that to the talking donkey. But even *I* know that shootin' up folks ain't the way to solve your problems. And dressin' up as a police officer? That's lower than a dragon's belly! They said that Boelter was caught crawling in a field. Should've just stayed there mister. 'Cause 'someBODY ONCE told me...' is the only music he's gonna hear anytime soon.

Lock Him Up!

They're throwin' the book at this fella. First degree murder huh? That's serious business even for an ogre like me. This Mary Moriarty sounds like she means business. No parole either? Man that's rough. I'd rather be stuck listening to Donkey's 'Morning Person' routine for eternity.

Even the Swamp's Safer Than That!

This whole ordeal rattled Minnesota and lawmakers across the country they say. It's got me thinkin' maybe I should build a bigger wall around my swamp. Keep out the riff raff you know? Protect my peace and quiet. The man had a notebook with other names... that is just not ogre like at all.

Stay Safe and Remember: Ogres Are Always Better Than Maniacs

Well that's all for now folks. Stay safe out there and remember – even though ogres are big and scary we ain't goin' around shootin' up the place. Now if you'll excuse me I gotta go make sure Donkey hasn't started any political revolutions in my outhouse. Shrek over and out!