What in Tarnation?! Southwest Airlines Done Gone and Lost Their Mind!

Farewell Free Baggage: What's Up With That Donkey?

Well gather 'round ya swamp critters 'cause I gotta tell ya somethin' that's got me riled up more than findin' Lord Farquaad in my outhouse. Southwest Airlines the airline that used to be as friendly as a plate of waffles in the morning is now startin' to charge for checked bags! Can you believe it? After over half a century of givin' us two free bags they're pullin' a Pinocchio and lyin' about keepin' prices low. Seems like everyone's joinin' the 'gimme more gold' club these days.

Shrek's Guide to Dodge Those Pesky Fees

Now before you start yellin' 'Get outta my swamp!' at the poor ticket counter folks there are a few loopholes. If you're a big shot with their Rapid Rewards loyalty program – the kinda folks who probably eat fancy cheese – you might still get your bags checked for free. And if you're flashin' a Southwest credit card that might work too. Otherwise get ready to pony up some serious dough. I'd rather face a dragon than pay extra for my travelin' trousers!

Basic Economy? Sounds More Like Basic Nightmare!

As if chargin' for bags wasn't bad enough Southwest's also rollin' out a new 'Basic Economy' ticket. Sounds about as fun as a root canal if you ask me. You can't change your ticket you board last (probably behind all the fancy folks with free bags) and your fare credits expire faster than Gingy's gingerbread legs in hot cocoa. Honestly it's enough to make an ogre weep.

No More Open Seating? What is the World Coming To?

And hold on to your hats folks because the biggest shocker is yet to come: Southwest is ditching open seating! That's right no more mad dash to snag a window seat. They're gonna start assigning seats like some fancy pants airline. What's next champagne and caviar? I liked it better when people got into fistfights over seats – at least then you knew where you stood.

Will Southwest Survive the Swamp?

Apparently Southwest thinks everyone's gonna start lugging their belongings onto the plane like a band of gypsies. They're even installing bigger overhead bins to handle all the extra junk. Good luck with that! I reckon there'll be more elbows flyin' than at a bar brawl. But hey maybe they'll make enough money to finally fix those perpetually broken ice cream machines.

Are Folks Mad? You Bet Your Sweet Bippy!

Are people mad? Are onions smelly? Southwest can't even post a picture of a puppy without getting bombarded with angry comments. But the CEO claims folks aren't changin' their plans. Maybe he's got ogre sized ears filled with wax! Still I'm holdin' out hope. Maybe if we all yell loud enough they'll go back to the way things were. Otherwise I might just have to hitchhike. And you do NOT want to be stuck next to me on a long ride!