Believe It! Is Trump Really Trying to Rasengan the Stock Market Into Oblivion?!

Dattebayo! Trump's Secret Plan?

Hey hey hey! Naruto Uzumaki here reporting live from… well my desk but still! Believe it! So check this out: there’s this HUGE rumor going around like bigger than my appetite for ramen that ex Hokage candidate Trump is secretly plotting to crash the stock market! Apparently he shared some crazy video on his Truth Social thingy claiming he's gonna drop the market like I drop to the floor when I'm outta ramen. Talk about a jutsu gone wild!

Hassett's Denial: Is This a Genjutsu?

But hold on! Kevin Hassett some big shot economic dude is saying 'Nah nah he's not trying to tank the market! He's doing it for the… American workers!' Yeah right! Sounds like some serious Damage Control Jutsu if you ask me. It's like when I said I didn't eat all the ramen in the village… *cough* I mean uh… yeah for the workers!

Tariffs: More Like a Thousand Years of Pain!

Okay so Trump drops these tariff bombs – boom! – and the stock market goes into freefall! The Dow Jones plunges harder than I do when Sakura chan punches me. Seriously it was like a Rasengan straight to the economy’s gut. Everyone's freaking out about a trade war and you know what? I kinda miss fighting Sasuke. At least *that* was a fair fight... mostly.

The Great Fall: It's All Downhill From Here?!

This ain't no gentle breeze! The Dow Jones took a nosedive the S&P 500 followed suit and even the tech heavy Nasdaq is running for the hills! It’s like the whole market’s trying to use the Hiraishin no Jutsu to teleport out of this mess but they’re just landing in a bigger pile of trouble. Believe it! The S&P 500 fell nearly 6% Friday following a 4.8% plunge on Thursday!

A Game of Shogi

The video said that "Trump is crashing the stock market by 20% this month but he's doing it on purpose. … And it could make you rich." It continued by adding that such a move by Trump would help "push cash into treasuries which forces the Fed to slash interest rates in May. … It also weakens the dollar and drops mortgage rates. Now it's a wild chess move but it's working." Is Trump really playing a super complicated game of shogi with the whole world’s economy? Is he aiming for world peace or is he aiming to destroy it? The truth I believe lies somewhere in the middle!

What Now? Ramen or Ruin?

So what’s the takeaway here folks? Is Trump some kind of economic mastermind playing 4D chess or is he just… well let's just say a bit unpredictable? Either way it's causing some serious ripples and I for one am gonna stock up on ramen. Just in case! Dattebayo! Now if you'll excuse me I hear there's a sale on instant noodles at Ichiraku. Gotta go fast!