Tesla's New Treasure: Burritos and Balance Sheets!

A New Raider Joins the Tesla Tomb!

Right then darlings! Lara Croft here reporting live from… well not a tomb this time but a boardroom! Word on the street (or should I say through the jungle drums?) is that Tesla has just snagged Jack Hartung the financial whiz from Chipotle. Apparently even Elon Musk needs a hand navigating the treacherous terrain of EV sales and profit margins. It seems my tomb raiding skills might be needed after all – perhaps to unearth some hidden revenue streams?

Chipotle to Tesla: From Burritos to Batteries!

Hartung's known for his 'disciplined approach' – a phrase that warms my adventurous heart! He's joining the audit committee which sounds about as thrilling as deciphering ancient hieroglyphs but crucial nonetheless. Tesla’s hoping he can work his magic and turn those sinking sales around. I wonder if he can convince Musk to add a 'Tomb Raider' package to the Model X? Now that would sell!

Musk's Side Quest: Saving the World... or Just Tweeting?

Speaking of Musk seems he's been a bit distracted lately dabbling in government efficiency—or as they call it DOGE. Honestly it sounds like something out of a Bond film. Good to know he plans to spend less time on this 'DOGE' business because Tesla needs him. After all even I can’t raid a tomb and run a tech empire at the same time! Though now that I think about it...

Family Ties and Fast Casual Fortunes

The plot thickens! It turns out Hartung's son in law is a Tesla technician. Talk about keeping it in the family! And there's Kimbal Musk Elon's brother who used to be on Chipotle's board during Hartung's reign. It's a small world isn't it? Almost as small as some of those tombs I've squeezed into.

A Retro Futuristic Diner? I'm In!

In other news Tesla's launching a 'retro futuristic' diner in Los Angeles. Seven years in development? That's longer than some of my expeditions! I do love a good diner. Maybe they'll serve 'Lara's Raider Wraps' or 'Croft's Crystal Cocktails'? They'd be silly not to.

Will Hartung Be Tesla's Savior?

So the big question: Can Hartung navigate Tesla out of this financial maze? Will he bring the same burrito boosting brilliance to the electric vehicle market? Only time will tell darlings. But one thing's for sure: this boardroom just got a whole lot more interesting. Now if you'll excuse me I have a lead on a lost artifact that might just pay for my next Tesla...